Nothing But Trouble
by MCR-TW-30STM
Summary: Camilla has become the badass chick on campus, not like she meant to. Trouble just seems to follow Camilla, no matter what. But her Aunt Danni's not having that. But what else can happen in a school of sexy guys, mean girls and rumors? Nothing but Trouble.
1. I Don't Need To Explain Myself To You

I Don't Need To Explain Myself To You

_Fuck him. Fuck him and his attitude. I didn't need him. Forget those eyes that when he was teasing would brighten just a little. Forget the small smirk he'd give that could make and girl swoon and the way his bright red hair looks when it's in the sunlight. Just forget him, Camilla. You're an awesome person, and it's not your fault that he can't see it. _That was the pep talk I'd give myself every morning I had to walk into Sweet Amoris High School. Every morning, I'd have to stop myself from scanning the crowds for him, and stop myself from even bothering trying to make sense of the situation itself. But it wasn't always like this. It used to be an awesome time for me, I had even going to school, because it let me see his face for almost six hours, uninterupted. I could, and should, start at that time. In doing so, I might be able to make sense of what happened myself.

I started Sweet Amoris High in my junior year. My parents had begun going through a really hard time, so to avoid it all, I moved in with my aunt, Danni, in Sweet Amoris. Things had started off really well, except for my aunt being, how would you describe her...eccentric. She likes to dress up very...oddly. At the time that I had just moved there, she'd entered her fairy-phase. No matter what though, I loved my aunt to pieces. My first day was spent running around trying to complete my enrollment forms. The class president, Nathanial didn't seem like my type of person. He joked, but wasn't very funny.  
"So, um, where are you from?" He asked me as he searched through a pile of papers to find my enrollement form. I sighed and popped my gum loudly.  
"The coast of Florida." I told him flatly. He pulled out some papers and shoved them back where he'd gotten them with a disappointed look on his face.  
"That's cool, shouldn't you be more tan then?" He asked me teasingly. I glanced at my pale skin. I was never one of those girls who went to the beach every day she could in the tiniest bikini possible to see who would bat an eye at me.  
"Tans are for pale people who can't accept being pale." I said back. He turned back with a frown on his face.  
"I didn't mean it as an insult and it appears that I can't find your enrollemnt form. Mind coming back later or seeing if you can find it?" Nathanial asked in what I presumed to be his extra sweet-sugary voice. I sighed and left the student council room. I went down the halls, then turned a corner and was somehow in a classroom. I left that classroom and went out a door into the courtyard and that's where I first saw him. He was leaning on the basketball goal, his bright red hair almost flourecent in the sun. He had headphones in and his eyes were closed and he looked almost at peace. I hated that I had to ask him how I could get back where I started from. I took a deep breath and walked over to him. I tapped him on the shoulder. His eyes opened, they were a dark gray.  
"May I help you?" He asked edgily. I took a small step back.  
"I dunno if you'd like to." I told him matching his tone. He raised an eyebrow at me. "But I'd appreciate a nicer tone."  
"What's your name?" He asked, his tone less irritated.  
"Camilla, now if you could, can you tell me how to get back into the-" I started but was cut off by him.  
"Camilla." He said almost trying out the words. "I'm Castiel."  
"Nice to meet you, but could you tell me how to get back into the main-" I started again but was cut off by some guy walking over with white hair calling Catiel over somewhere else.  
"It was nice meeting you, but I have to go." And he was gone. I was doomed. I winded up wandering around the campus, hungry, irritated and confused as hell. I walked into another classroom and in it was a orange-haired girl cleaning up her desk. She gave me a warm smile when she saw me.  
"Hiya, you must be new here." She extended her hand to me. I took it gingerly. "I'm Iris."  
"How can you tell that I'm new here?" I asked her. She laughed a little.  
"Well you have that deer-in-the-headlights look on your face, and you seem to be lost. Can I help?" Iris asked me kindly. I told her where I needed to go and she helped me get back to where I need to go and where I could find everything nessacary to complete my enrollment forms. When I'd finished everything and was handing in my paperwork to the principal, I saw my old creeper from my former school, Kentin. He saw me and grinned creepily.  
"CAMILLA!" He was by my side in two seconds. "How are you? Are you adjusting well? I missed you!" He was eager and it was annoying.  
"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Here." I said, enunciating each word so he'd know that I was pissed and creeped out.  
"I heard you were transferring, so I wanted to go to the same school as you, so I transferred too, isn't it nice?" Ken said, tears pricking the edges of his eyes behind those two-inch thick glasses of his.  
"Nice doesn't qualify as being a grade A stalker. Leave me the hell alone." I turned to go. Ken grabbed my arm and I pushed him away.  
"But wouldn't you like to walk home? We live so close by each other." Ken said feebly, his voice shaking. I scoffed.  
"What part of 'leave me the hell alone' don't you understand?" I asked before I left the office and went out into the parking lot. The sun felt good on my skin. I never was one to want to soak up the rays so when I did, it was visible for weeks. I walked the short distance to my house and went to the kitchen. My aunt wasn't home so I made myself an afternoon snack and prepared myself for my first offical day at Sweet Amoris High School.

The next morning when I awoke, to the smell of freshly made waffles drifting up the stairs, everything finally clicked into place in my brain. The whole time, I'd been numb to what was going on around me. And it was all then crashing into me. My parents were slplitting, and my dad was leaving my mom for a lingerie model. I was staying with my oddball aunt in a new town. This was really happening and I was starting a new school. I blinked a few times, processing this new information. I threw the covers off of me and shuffled on downstairs. My aunt had already made a plate of waffeles.  
"Morning, Buttercup. How'd you sleep?" She asked me. I shrugged.  
"Like any person in a new town and new bed would." I told her with no conviction at all in my voice. She frowned a little but the frown disappeard as she pulled out another plateful of waffles out of the machine.  
"You don't seem to be hapy about this. You could always stay with Grammy." My aunt told me. I sighed. Now my aunt thought I was being ungratful.  
"No, I didn't mean it like that. It's just I'm not used to this. Mom and Dad didn't talk to me like your talking to me now." I told her "They were always too pissed with each other to ever notice me."  
"I don't see how, your breathtaking, Camilla." Aunt Danni told me. I shrugged. With my long white hair and blue eyes, I thought I looked like a freak.  
"Maybe because of the odd hair color choice I've made." I joked.  
"Don't put yourself down. Your breathtaking not only in a physical way but emotionally and mentally too." Aunt Danni gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as she gathered her waffles into a container and hurried out the door. "Have an awesome day." She'd told me before shutting the door behind her. I sighed. I finished eating and went back into my room and got dressed. I didn't want to look too desperate so I settled for a band t-shirt and some skinny jeans. I walked out the door and on my way, I saw Ken walking in my direction. He screamed out my name and I started walking even faster. Not today was I going to deal with this kid.

At school, I saw three girls around the front of the school gossiping, as I passed I heard the word 'whore' sneered at me. I turned on my heels and charged back at the girls who were by then snickering away. I grabbed the brunette who'd sneered 'whore' at me by the hair.  
"The fuck did you just call me?" I growled into the brunette's ear.  
"Nothing." She said wincing in pain. A few people had gathered an were gawking at the display.  
"Didn't sound like a 'nothing' to me. Now did it?" I yanked harder on her hair and she yelped in pain. I let her go and she caressed her hair.  
"The hell's wrong with you?" The Asian girl of the group asked me, her hands in fists at her hips.  
"I like being called my name and nothing more. Got a problem?" I asked her. She narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything.  
"Just stay away from Nathanial, new girl, and we won't have a problem." The blond told me. "We might even get along."  
"We'll see about that." I turned and continued on my way to my assigned locker. I wasn't pissed, not really. I was pretty normal feeling. I only pulled that girl's hair to assert my dominance on the female population of Sweet Amoris. I didn't want to be stepped on by anybody. I went to my first period and right as the bell rang, the office called for me. Jeers were made torwards me. "Shut the fuck up." I told people as I passed. In the office there was the principal, such a sweet lady, sitting at her desk, petting a dog in her lap.  
"Miss Camilla. I hated having to call you in here." She said to me. I sat in the chair across from her and got comfortable.  
"I know exactly why you called me in here." I told her. "I understand what I did was wrong, and 'unjustified'. But honestly, I don't regret doing it, so I'm not sorry." She raised an eyebrow.  
"You have spunk, Miss Camilla. But I'm afraid I have to punish you."  
"Do what you gotta do." I told her.  
"I really don't want you to repeat what happened at your last school. Are you aware of how thick your file is?" She pulled out an overfilled manilla file folder. "This is your file, Camilla Edwards."  
"Okay...Not all of that can be bad. There's got to be a perfect attendence award in there somewhere." I joked.  
"That can't be possible. You've been suspended numerous times since you were in seventh grade. And not to mention you were suspended enough to be expelled from your last school" She sighed and set her dog on the floor. "Camilla, I would really rather you to try to make things better for you here."  
"Can you just give me my punishment? No offense, but I'll get an earful from my aunt when I get home." I told her disinterested in the conversation.  
"You might want to fix your attitude problem, Miss Edwards. I'm giving you an after school detention."  
"Thanks. I'll see you later then." I stood and went to her office door.  
"I would also appreciate it if you would refrain from causing anymore trouble, Miss Camilla." The prinipal called to me before I left her office and went back to clas. A few people jeered as I came back in. I sat in my desk. The person behind me poked me with a pencil. I turned to them.  
"What'd you get?" They asked me. I smirked. This would be fun.  
"Lean really close. I don't want anyone to know." I lied to him. He leaned closer. This was going to be really fun.  
"None of your damn business." I whispered to him loud enough for people surrounding us to hear. Giggling surrounded us. I focused back on the teacher who'd either ignored what just happened or didn't pay any attention at all. When the bell rang, I took my time leaving the room. I got the nessacary notes and left to my locker. Iris was waiting for me when I got there.  
"Hey, um, I hate to sound like some gossip, but what happened? I've heard some crazy rumors already. And did you really come from juvie?" Iris asked me curiously. I stared at her, trying to see if she was just intrested in gossip or not. I finally decided she wasn't.  
"I didn't come from juvie. I'm from Florida. And all what happened was that I just put a girl in her place." I told her. She cocked her head to the side.  
"Everyone's made you out to be this total badass girl." Iris told me neutrally.  
"So your saying I'm not badass?" I asked her jokingly.  
"No, I don't. Your pretty nice, no matter what you do." Iris turned to go. "I'll catch ya later, Camilla." I watched her orange-haired self disappear into the crowd. This was going to be a long, a maybe a fun day.

I didn't really go out of my way to cause trouble. People just gave me prime oppurtunities to be cause trouble. Right after lunch, I had to report to the school library to serve my detention. I had to ask, like a newbie, where the library was from Iris. Once in the library, I noticed I wasn't the only one assigned a detention. There was a crying girl with a red cheek. Then there was a guy across from her with a black eye. A group of angry looking black-haired guys. A few preppy looking girls and Castiel. I went and sat by myself. The person at the front of the room stood. It was a bored looking man who was about forty.  
"Okay, listen up. I don't really care what you do. Just don't leave, don't do anything inappropiate. Just serve your time like I have to too. Don't make things harder than they have to be." He sat back in his chair and pulled out a laptop and headphones. Once he put the headphones in, the room erupted into noise. more noise than I've ever heard in a library before. I pulled out my own headphones and started blasting my own music. I put my head down on the table and closed my eyes. I must've dozed off because I felt someone poke me awake. I looked up at the person. It was Castiel. He started talking and I held up a finger and pulled out one of my headphones.  
"Sorry, but your going to have to repeat yourself." I told him as I paused my music and shoved my phone and headphones into my pocket.  
"I said, that you've made a nice impression in a day." Castiel said sarcastically. I shrugged and half-smiled at him.  
"Yeah, I should have people flocking just to be my friend." I said just as sarcastically. There were a few people milling about probably waiting for rides home or friends in clubs.  
"And why would you say that?" He asked me, sarcasm dripping from his voice.  
"Because I save people from burning buildings." I joked. He smirked.  
"That would explain why Iris is brave enough to be your friend. But in all seriousness, why did you have a detention on your first day?" Castiel asked me, all sarcasm leaving his voice.  
"I pulled this girl by the hair for calling my a whore." I told him like it was no big deal. His facial expression didn't change at all.  
"Damn, so you're the girl Charlotte was talking about all day." He sighed. "That all makes sense, when I asked what the girl's name was she said she didn't know."  
"Eh. What did you get a detention for?" I asked him.  
"Skipped class." We both started to walk out of the library. Once outside I saw the same white haired guy from before come over to us.  
"Hey, Castiel." The guy looked to me. "Oh, sorry, I'm Lysander."  
"I'm Camilla. Nice to meet you." I said to him. He smiled a little. He was dressed like a guy from the Victorian Age. His eyes appeared to be two different colors, or was that the way the light was hitting them?  
Well, we're gonna go, see ya." Castial gave a small wave as he walked away.  
"It was very nice meeting you." Lysander told me before he walked away with Castiel. I waved and began walking in the opposite direction to my house.

"Camilla, did you get into any trouble at school today?" Aunt Danni asked me once I stepped through the door. Okay, this had spread faster than I though it would. I opened my mouth.  
"A little. I just got a detention, but it's all good." I assured Aunt Danni.  
"It's not 'all good'. Your first day and you get a detention? That's not going to do very good for your repuatation. You had a fresh start. And you've ruined it." My aunt was pissed. She never got pissed. She usually would brush things under the rug instead of dealing with them.  
"I'm sorry, but I didn't want to get in trouble. It just kind of happened." I told her. She shook her head in frustration.  
"Damn it, Camilla. You don't get it do you? Not only does what you do reflect on you, but it reflects on me because I'm taking care you. I'm not going to tolorate this kind of behavior. This is your warning, got me?" Aunt Danni went into the kitchen. "Now what do you want for dinner?" I was surprised by my aunt. I didn't think that she had a backbone, or would ever curse. I helped her make dinner and afterwards we ate while watching some cheesy game show. I retreated to my room to do my homework after dinner. I had a few assignments, mostly just writing and worksheets. Nothing too hard. I finished by ten thirty, maybe things wouldn't be that bad here.


	2. Go Ahead And Hurt Me

Go Ahead And Hurt Me

My aunt had been right about my repuatation not being that good after getting a detention on my first day. People thought of me as some girl that could kill without any remorse. I even had a few people ask me if I'd ever been to jail. Most of the rumors were unbelievable bullshit. The few that didn't buy into the hype about me were pretty nice. I kept my grades high and didn't bother with people. Since it's just high school, who cares afterwards?

"Camilla Edwards to the office, Camilla Edwards to the office, please." The PA system echoed throughout the halls between fourth and fifth period. I hadn't done anything, but that didn't stop the whispers. I strolled to the principal's office. She smiled up at me when I walked in and motioned for me to have a seat. I sat down uneasily. Why was I in there? I racked my brain for something I might have done.  
"Your not in trouble." The principal assured me. I relaxed a little.  
"Not to be rude or anything, but why am I here then?" I asked her.  
"I've noticed that your not really into any group or anything, and both the basketball and gardening club could use your help." She started. I blinked.  
"You want me to join a club." I stated. A club? That required doing things with other people. Not my cup of tea.  
"Most students are in clubs, and joining a club may keep you out of trouble." She advised the sugar in her voice melting a little.  
"But I haven't gotten into any trouble lately." I protested. She sighed.  
"You have no choice. Gardening Club or Basketball Club?" She asked me. I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to garden, and I knew nothing of basketball. Well, here was my chance to learn.  
"Basketball Club then." I told her. She nodded with a small smile.  
"Thank you. They meet today in the gymnasium after school." The principal turned to her computor. "You can go now." I stood. I had totally caved in to her. What the hell? Whatever. I didn't have anything but homework to do after school anyway. I left the office and went to my fifth period class, biology. The class jeered a little when I came into the classroom late with my office pass. I went and sat in my seat and listened to the teacher drone on about mitosis.  
"Pssst. What'd you get in trouble for?" A nosy girl in front of me asked. I looked up at her. Her nose matched how nosy she was.  
"I'll tell you what I will get in trouble for, punching you in your gigantic nose. Turn around and mind your damn business." I growled at her. She frowned and turned back around. A few people had heard and were whispering again.

I didn't bother going to lunch, since I had lost my appetite after watching the process of osmosis in biology. I went the student council room, since I had no idea where the gymnasium was, Nathaniel would probably help me find it. I went in, to only find the room empty. For some reason, I figured he practically lived in the student council room. I left the room, maybe it was a good thing I didn't find him in there. I hadn't been that nice to him anyway. Iris was at her locker so I went to ask her. She smiled a little when she saw me.  
"Hey there. How are you?" She asked me, all friendly.  
"Pretty good, you?" I said trying to be friendly too.  
"I'm fine. Are you looking for Nathaniel?" Iris asked as she took out a textbook from her locker.  
"Not really, I'm looking for the gymnasuim." I told her. She laughed.  
"You won't find him there. Why do you have to find the gymnasium? I thought you don't have gym."  
"I don't, the principal asked me to join a club to 'keep me out of trouble' so I chose to basketball club."  
"Bummer, you haven't even _been_ in trouble lately."  
"That's what I told her. But, whatever."  
"The gymnasuim's on the left of the courtyard. I hope that helps."  
"Thanks." I told her as I followed her direction to the gymnasuim where a group of people were. They all seemed to be in deep conversation about some basketball game that had been on TV the night before. Shit, I'm in unknown territory here.

After the meeting, which I was horrible clueles in, I went home. I needed to hear something other than talk about basketball. On my walk home, I put in my headphones and blasted my favorite band, Falling In Reverse, all the way home.  
"Did you get a detention again?" Aunt Danni asked me when I came into the kitchen. I shook my head and took out my headphones.  
"The principal made me join a club. That's why I stayed after school." I told her. Aunt Dannie was making some sort of soup. "What's that?"  
"Broccoli soup. Do you mind toasting some of the bread behind you?" She asked me as she stirred the yellow-with-green-flecked soup. I put a few slices of the bread into the toaster and walked into my room. I put my bookbag on the floor and came back into the kitchen. We had dinner together, which oddly, seemed to be becoming a regular routine for us. After dinner, I did my homework and took a shower. I emerged from the shower and said goodnight to my aunt and went into my room. I hadn't bothered talking to either of my parents, not that I missed them, but I couldn't help but wonder if they even missed me at all. They probaby didn't. Maybe that was my problem. I wanted them to care, and would do anything to make them do just that. I felt a michevious grin on my face as I drifted into dreamland.

To me school is just school. Grades don't matter and neither do the people there. I didn't fail any classes, or get into trouble at school. But that didn't stop me from getting into other kinds of trouble. I had heard the talk of a place called De Circ. From what I had gathered about this place, it wasn't a place for the innocent. One late night, after I had went to bed, I opened my window and crawled out the window. I padded lightly along the roof and slid down the ladder I had tactfully set up earlier to the dewy grass. Once on the ground, I went to my bike, that I had also set up on the side of the house, so I could bike instead of walk to De Circ. I rode along the dark city streets to the other side of town. I locked up my boke the bike rack in the front. The place's name was in bright blue letters; De Circ. I went inside, there were beefy looking guys and the air reeked of pot. There was a pool table in the back and drunk people arguing in the corner. I relaxed and went to the counter. There was a lady behind the counter, her name-tag read Doll Face.  
"What can I get you, Hon?" Doll Face asked me. Her face was heavily made up making her young face look like a messy painted canvas.  
"Just a water." I sat on one of the red, ripped up barstools. Doll Face poured a water in a glass for me and handed it to me. "Thanks." I took a sip of it. Tap water.  
"Your not eighteen. You know this place if for adults only." Doll Face wasn't scolding me, just informing me. I nodded.  
"I just moved here. I had no idea." I told her. I really didn't know it was an adult place. I had thought of it as a place that preppy skanks stayed away from.  
"It's cool this time. Unless you come with an adult next time, stay away. Pretty, young girls like you shouldn't be here in the first place." Doll Face refilled a man sitting a few stools down from me's mug with what I assumed was beer. "This place can get pretty violent."  
"I'll take your word for it." I told her as I took another sip of my water. She lifted her sleeved and showed me a scar running from her elbow to the back of her hand. I set my glass down.  
"I got this during a bar fight here a few months ago. And you still think I'm joking? People and booze don't make a pretty couple, Hon."  
"Well, is there a safer place than this one I should visit?" I askd her. She shrugged. I tapped my fingers on the side of my glass.  
"If your looking for a place with drugs and alcohol, no. But if you want a place your ma wouldn't want you at, there's Hypnotic Tendicies, the dance club near the Dollor Store." Doll Face's eyes widened as a loud crack sounded behind me. I turned around to see that a man had thrown a chair at another man.  
"Son of a bitch, don't you talk 'bout my mom!" The man who'd thrown the chair screamed at the other man.  
"I can't help it if she's a loose woman!" The other man yelled back, his voice slurring slightly. Another chair was thrown. I could feel someone pulleing me from my chair as a pocketknife was thrown at the wall above my head. The room started to fill with the sounds of cursing, furniture being broken and glasses shattering. Doll Face had dragged me to a back room.  
"Stay back here. Don't make a sound. I'm calling the cops, if they find you here, you'll go to jail, Hon. Got me." Doll Face whispered hurridly to me. She closed the door before I could tell her I understood. This wasn't a situation I had ever been in. The sounds outside reminded me of how bad my parent's arguments would get. Aside from the slurring in the men and women's voices, it sounded just like them. A hand was on my shoulder, breaking my thoughts.  
"Camilla?" A voice asked from behind me. I turned to see Castiel. He had a name-tag on and his facial expression looked shocked a little.  
"Castiel? What are you doing here?" I whispered to him. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
"I work here." He gestured to his clothes, it was a uniform with the words De Circ on them. "And you talk regularly, until you hear cops. They're yelling way too loudly for us to be heard."  
"Oh." I didn't want to say anything weird, considering the back room wasn't all that big, and was mostly full of cleaning supplies. "Why are you back here?"  
"Someone had thrown up and I was getting stuff to clean it up." Castiel told me. "Enought about me. What are _you _doing here?"  
"I wanted to go out." I said simply. He scoffed.  
"To one of the most dangerous places in Sweet Amoris? That doesn't sound very smart." He teased. I smirked.  
"I never said I made wise decisions."  
"Neither did I. In fact, coming here might've been the stupidest idea ever. Considering you could very possibly go to jail for underage drinking."  
"All I had was water. I don't even have ID on me so I wouldn't even try that."  
"Even worse. The police would accuse you of drinking anyway. Why else would a teenage girl come to a place like this other than to drink? And not having ID would make it even more plausible."  
"I came here, because my aunt's been breathing down my neck about getting in trouble at school, I wanted to hang loose, okay?"  
"You should try the dance club, Hypnotic Tendencies, then."  
"I don't like to dance."  
"Suit yourself." Outside the door we could hear sirens and police coming into the place, shouting. Glass stopped shattering and no more furniture was broken. I stayed silent, less than two feet away from Castiel. When the cops left, Doll Face opened the back room door.  
"Hey, sorry about you haveing to see that, Hon." Doll Face said to me sadly. She looked to Castiel. "Castiel, you were in here too? Damn, I'm really sorry, Hon."  
"Dolly, I didn't do anything bad to her." He told her. She raised an eyebrow. "Promise." He smirked. Doll Face let us out of the back room and into the now empty bar.  
"You should get out of here, Hon. The cops'll probably be back later." Doll Face started sweeping up some broken glass.  
"I'll make sure she gets home okay." Castiel told Doll Face. She waved him off. She picked up a wooden chair leg.  
"I'm counting it as your break, you'd better be back in twenty." Doll Face told him before we walked outside.  
"You don't have to walk with me home. I live on the other side of town." I told him as I tried to unchain my bike.  
"Nonsense. I'll drive you home. It's too late for a girl to be riding around this part of town alone." He sauntered over to an old black truck. He unlocked the doors and picked up my bike and set it down gently in the bed. I reluctantly got in the truck and waited for him to start the truck. "You live on the other side of town, huh?" He started the truck and backed out into the empty street. I nodded.  
"Your not gonna stalk me or anything are you?" I teased him. He smirked.  
"Not unless you give me a reason to." He teased back. I directed him to where I stayed at but made him stop down the street. "Here?"  
"Um, I live at that house." I pointed to my house a few feet away. "But my aunt has no idea I was out and I'd like to keep it that way."  
"Ah, I see. Your a bad girl, Camilla." He tsked. "I'll get your bike out of the bed." We both got out of the truck. He lifted my bike out of the bed and rolled it over to me. I turned to go home.  
"Thank you." I told him over my shoulder. He smirked and nodded.  
"No problem. See you at school." He got back in his truck and didn't drive away till I had disappeard into my backyard.

It was a really terrible idea to have went out the night before. Even though I didn't drink, or do anything terribly stuid, I was up until eleven o'clock, making sure everything was like it should be. By the time I had forced myself out of bed, I only had a few minutes to get ready and be out the door. My aunt didn't even ask if I'd woken up late. I hurried to school and got there just as the late bell rang. I went to my locker to get my supplies for class. Shit, now I'd have another detention. I sulked into class. As usual, people whispered and made faces. I accepted my detention slip gracefully from the teacher and went to my seat. Iris gave me a small grin across the room and mouthed 'It's all good, you can borrow my notes if you want.' I nodded to her. I couldn't help but wonder why she was always so nice to me. After class, Iris kept her promise and let me have her notes to copy.  
"Thanks." I yawned a little. She raised an eyebrow.  
"You look really tired, I thought your aunt made you go to bed early." Iris noted. I faintly remember complaining to her about how much on my case my aunt was. I nodded.  
"She does. Doesn't mean I actually go to bed though." I told her. Iris shook her head slowly.  
"I don't understand you, Camilla. She cares. Just let her care." Iris picked up her bag from the floor and slung it on her shoulder. "I'll see you around." She turned and left down the hallway and into the massive crowd accumulating for lunch. I sighed and went on my way to the library. I saw Ken coming my way. He appeared to be crying.  
"CAMILLA!" Ken wailed. It was too late for me to run, so I stayed right where I was. "These girls, they, they pushed me and took my money!"  
"And you let them?" I asked him. He nodded sadly. "Where and who are they?" He pointed to the same three girls from my first day. I narrowed my eyes. I couldn't stand Ken either, but stealing from him wouldn't help anything. I stormed over to the three girls. I already had a detention, I really had nothing to lose.  
"Oh, hey, Camilla. Get in trouble lately?" The blond sneered. I smirked.  
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I snarled at her. She giggled.  
"Why, I'm Amber, that's Charlotte and that's Li. Questions?" Amber asked with a fake sweet voice. I shook my head.  
"I understand that. Now apologize to Ken." I demanded. "Now." The three laughed their heads off. "I'm not asking." They laughed even harder. I grabbed Li's lipstick compact and threw it to the floor. They stopped laughing.  
"Hey!" Li whined. "You're buying me a new compact!"  
"I don't think so. Now aplogize." I repeated. They were silent. I shoved Li into a locker and pinned her arms behind her back "Say your fuckin' sorry, bitch!" Li yelled in pain. A crowd had already accumulated. Ken was nearby, his cheeks a dark pink. Li glared at him.  
"I'm sorry." Li growled, no sincirity in her voice. I shoved her harder.  
"Like you mean it." I said as she winced in pain.  
"I'm sorry, Ken." Li said, her eyes brimming with tears. Charolotte and Amber didn't even defend their friend, they merely just stood by and watched.  
"Give him back his money." I demanded. Charolotte pulled out ten dollors from her purse and handed Ken the money. "Is that all of it?" Ken nodded.  
"Thank you." Ken told me and rushed off down the hall. I released Li and glared at the three girls in front of me.  
"I'd advise you leave him alone. You hear me?" I shoved Amber out of my way as I made my way through the crowd and to the office. Before I even walked through her door, I was being called to the office. I walked inside. Disappointment on her face. I slumped into the chair.  
"Miss Camilla Edwards, I thought we weren't going to have to meet on these terms again." The prinicpal said to me. I shrugged.  
"Did you hear exactly what happened? Or is this just about my tardy?" I asked her. I wanted to know all what she knew.  
"Both. Miss Edwards, would you mind telling me why you keep harrassing Amber, Charlotte and Li?"  
"I don't harrass them without a valid reason."  
"And what was the reason this time?"  
"They were bullying Ken. So I gave them a taste of their own medicine."  
"I see a detention isn't going to teach you your lesson."  
"I don't regret anything and I'd do it all over again if given the chance."  
"You leave me no choice but to call your aunt here for a conference."  
"Do what you gotta do. But I'll tell her the same thing I told you." I stood and left the office without another word. Dammit, when my reputation could possibly be reversed, stuff like this happened. Why couldn't trouble just leave me alone?


	3. Your Too Close For Comfort

Your Too Close For Comfort

Aunt Danni came to the school that Thursday morning. She had to take a day off of work just to have a conference with my principal and me about my behavior. Aunt Danni had been beyond pissed the whole two days leading up to the conference. No, she was livid. The moment we stepped into the principal's office, she started screaming.  
"You have one job, Camilla! Go to schoool! Get good grades! And you can't even do that?" Aunt Danni yelled. I knew the teachers and asistants in the office could hear her. "Ignore everyone else! They don't matter!"  
"Ms. Edwards, Camilla has an attitude problem, but it's not nessacarily a bad thing. Please sit and calm down." The principal said to Aunt Danni calmly. My aunt sat down. I plopped down on the chair next to my aunt's. "Now, I asked you to come here, because earlier this week, Camilla was found fighting three girls."  
"_Three?_ Camilla, you told me it was one girl." Aunt Danni had a look of disbelief on her face. I shrugged.  
"I feel it was one. The other two just stood there, not even stopping me at all." I clarified for both of them. The principal cleared her throat.  
"Well, than makes things less hostile. Did she tell you why she was fighting this particular girl?" The principal asked my aunt. She shook her head and looked to me.  
"I was fighting her because she was bullying Ken. If you've ever met Ken, he doesn't deserve someone like her treating him the way she was." I told my aunt. "But things are a bit better, I haven't seen them bother him anymore." But they'd moved on from bullying Ken to trying to get under my skin. They just didn't know how thick my skin was. I didn't like people, all they did was get close and disappoint you eventually.  
"You were protecting someone?" Aunt Danni sighed. "Camilla..."  
"It's not that her attitude is a bad thing. We've had many complaints about these three girls bullying people, but we can't do more than just suspend them without any proof. But when this incident occured, a lot of hidden proof arose." The principal explained. "Not that I condone your actions, Miss Edwards, but they helped us towards us getting rid of the bullying issue in this school."  
"Why, thank you." I said sarcasm and humor in my voice.  
"I'm confused, why was I called down here if your just congratulating her?" Aunt Danni nervously twiddled her thumbs.  
"Well, I'm afraid that due to school policy, we have to suspend Camilla for a week for fighting." The principal said.  
"WHAT?!" Me and my aunt yelled and stood at the same time.  
"That's crazy. So my good deed doesn't cancel out how I went about doing to good deed?" I asked. She shook her head sadly.  
"With this time of your suspension, maybe you can find something more positive to focus on. And keep your grades up. Did I mention she's an honor rolll student?" The principal asked my aunt. I rolled my eyes. A week, no school, what the hell was I supposed to do all day?

The next morning, my aunt left for work, while I stayed home. Being suspended was absolutly boring. I couldn't even tell anyone why I was exactly suspended. But so was Amber, Charolette and Li. So I didn't feel like comeplete shit about things. I didn't have to sneek out the house, because no one was home. On my second day of suspension, Castiel came over. I was watching televison when he knocked on the door. I stood from the couch and went to the door.  
"Who is it?" I asked loudly. I could heat birds chirping outside.  
"Castiel." His voice sounded deeper through the door. I opened the door and gave him a quizzical look. "Hey."  
"Hey, what're you doing here?" I asked him. I couldn't help myself from asking.  
"I brought the homework from yesterday's english class." He handed me a notebook, it was green and had skulls drawn all over the cover.  
"_Yesterday's_ english class? What about today's?" I asked him, he shoved his hands in his front pockets and shrugged.  
"I didn't go today." He told me. I turned around and looked at the living room clock above the televison. Eleven fifteen.  
"School's not out yet...What did you really want?" I asked him, my curiousity peaking. He blushed a littled and stared at the ground.  
"I'm going to work soon, and I was wondering if you'd like to get lunch with me before I go." He asked me. I blinked. Did he just ask me out? And was blushing about it?  
"I'd love to, but I'm not supposed to be out of the house." I told him. He looked up at me, his eyes a little sadder.  
"Oh, okay, well, I'll see you soon then." He turned to go. I grabbed his wrist lightly. He gave me a confused look over his shoulder.  
"But, I can go, as long as I stay out of sight." I half-smiled at him and he returned the favor. I let him inside and made him wait while I actually got dressed. I had gotten into a permanent weekend attitude about getting dressed; if I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't getting dressed. I emerged from my room in a black tank and some light blue skinnies. "Ready, if you are." I teased him. We walked out to his truck and he opened to door for me. He backed out the driveway. I searched the radio stations. I had yet to see what kind of music got played in Sweet Amoris raido. It didn't surprise me that it was mostly pop and dance music.  
"Did you want to get anything in particular?" Castiel asked me when we had gotten in town. I shrugged.  
"Uh, no fish or salads and I'm good." I told him. He shook his head with a smirk growing on his face. "What?"  
"Most girls want places with salads." He said to me, while he turned left at an intersection. I glanced out the window. I had no idea where we were.  
"I'm not most girls though." I pointed out to him.  
"I see that." He turned into a fast food joint. He parked the car and came to open my door for me. I slid out.  
"Thank you." I told him, giving him a fake curtsey. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. We walked into the fast food place, the smell of grease and heart failure hitting my nose instantly. I walked right up to the counter, to the pimpled-out girl behind the counter. "All-American burger, no tomato or mustard. Medium" I told her. She smiled and handed me a medium cup. "Thank you." I told her taking it. I winked at Castiel, seeing his shocked facial expression. I took it that most girls don't order for themseles either.

"What time do you have to go to work?" I asked Castiel when me and him had finished eating. He took out his phone and checked the time.  
"In twenty minutes." He told me as he slid his phone back into his back pocket.  
"Oh, I don't want to make you late." I stood and he followed suit. "We can go." We walked out to the parking lot. I let him open the door for me and slid inside. I waited inside until he got in the driver's seat. He started the truck and I began switching the raido station again.  
"Do you listen to rock?" He asked me as he put on his seatbelt. I nodded.  
"Yeah, do you?" I asked him. I thought he might, but I didn't want to stereotype him based off of his appearence. He nodded.  
"Yeah, hold on, I think I have a CD in here." He turned back in his seat and began searching through his backseat. I couldn't help but stare at him. The way his eyes were focused on what he was doing. His red hair cascaded lightly across his cheeks. He glanced over at me. "Are you staring at me?" I blushed.  
"Psh, no." I lied. He smirked and turned back around. He slid in a CD into the CD player. I tried to make my blush go away.  
"This is _The Black Parade_ by My Chemical Romance." He told me as the music began to play. It started out with a soft piano. At first, I was surprised by their sound. I had never listened to My Chemical Romance before.  
"I like this." I told him, a smile spreading across my lips. He the sides of his mouth twitched, but didn't rise and become a smile.  
"That's good, they're one of my favorite bands." He told me. He drove back to my house. We casually talked about music, our favorite bands and concerts we'd been to.  
"I'd like to learn an instrument, but my parents never really accepted my interest in music." I admitted to him.  
"I play guitar, but when I first started learning it, my parents didn't like it either. But music's one of the few things I'm really passionate about so they accepted it after a while." He admitted to me. He pulled into my driveway. I glanced at the dash clock.  
"Um, I'm not going to make you late am I?" I asked him. He looked at the clock.  
"Not unless you manage to make me stay for more than ten minutes." He joked. We both got out the truck and he walked me to the front door.  
"Thanks for taking me out for lunch. I feel like I've been in prison or something." I joked once we'd gotten to the front door. He chuckled lightly.  
"I understand, last time I was suspended I was out of school for a few days and felt like I'd been under a rock." He said to me. I turned to go.  
"Thanks again, and I'll uh, see you soon." I told him a bit nervously. He smirked.  
"No problem, bye Camilla." He turned and sauntered with that easygoing swagger he had back to his truck. I didn't hear him pull out the driveway until I was inside my house.

Aunt Danni didn't come home until after our usual dinner time. So I pretended to be the nice neice and made dinner for us both. She walked through the door and she instantly looked relieved and a bit happier.  
"Thanks for making dinner, Camilla, I had been worrying that I'd have to fix dinner." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "So anything interesting happen today?"  
"Not really." I didn't bother even hinting that someone else was over. I knew it'd just lead to an argument and I didn't feel like going through that.  
"I know it must be hard bein cooped up inside all day, so maybe you could pick up a short term hobby?" Aunt Danni asked me from the hallway where she was putting her keys on the key ring. I sighed.  
"Like what?" I asked her.  
"Maybe you could learn about basketball, since you joined the basketball club." She suggested kindly. I shrugged.  
"Eh, that's an idea. I'll consider that." I told her. I could learn about basketball. It would serve a purpose. But then again, I never asked to be in a club, period.  
"I'm going to go wash up, call me when dinner's ready." My aunt left the kitchen and went into her room and closed the door behind her. I felt pretty good about being the good kid for once, only for that guilty feeling of disobeying rule numero uno about leaving the house. Not to mention, I left the house with a guy. I violently shoved the thought out of my head and finished making dinner. I called my aunt from the shower when I'd finished and we watched her favorite TV drama together. After dinner, I cleaned and washed our dishes. Aunt Danni went to bed around ten thirty. I stayed up, not really tired. I decided to take a walk around the block. Maybe the fresh air would clear my head. As I walked down my street, I saw a figure walking towards me. I gripped my can of mace, that my aunt made me carry around with me, in my jacket pocket. As the figure's features cleared, I saw it was just Ken. He grinned like an little kid in a candy store when he saw me.  
"Camilla, hey, how've you been?" Ken asked me. His voice cracked and he cleared it. I shrugged and released my tight hold on my mace.  
"Pretty good. How've you been? Anyone bother you?" I asked. He looked away greif overtaking his little boy features.  
"No, but, well, when I told my parents about how nice you'd been and stood up for me...my dad got really mad and said that he wouldn't have his son bullied. You know he's a 'highly-decorated' soldier. And he want to send me off to military school." Ken confessed to me, I felt bad for him. Ken wouldn't survive military school. He couldn't even run a mile without heat exhaustion.  
"That sucks. It's not your fault that those bitches were picking on you. They just can't find confidence in themselves." I stepped forward and hugged Ken. "I'm going to miss you, Ken." He hugged me back.  
"I uh, should go, I don't want to cry in front of you." His voice shook and he pulled away from me. "Thank you though. I'm going to miss you too." Ken walked back in the direction he'd come from. A few feet away from me, I could hear him start to sniffle. It broke my heart a little. That bitch, Amber was going to fuckin' pay.

My supension seemed to last a lot longer that it actually was. By the time I'd gotten back to school, Ken had left already for military school, and Amber, Charlotte and Li had come back the same day as me. Iris was briefing me on all what had happened in my classes while I was gone before first period at my locker. Charlotte came over to us by herself, no Amber in sight.  
"...There's two labs you'll have to make up on-" Iris was interuptted by Charlotte.  
"Hey, sorry to interupt, but can I talk to you?" Li asked me. I looked to Iris.  
"I'll talk to you later, Camilla." Iris told me and walked away. I glared at Li. She took a deep breath.  
"I know your pissed, and you have every right to be." She started.  
"You damn right I'm pissed. I have every reason to deck you in the mouth right now." I told her. She nodded.  
"I know, and I'd prefer it if you didn't. But I wanted to apologize. I heard Ken got sent away, and I feel awful about it. Plus, I noticed something the last day I was here."  
"And what was that?"  
"Amber and Charlotte just stood there. They didn't help me at all. I would've helped them and they just left me to the wolves..well wolf."  
"What exactly are you getting at? I have stuff to do."  
"I want to be your friend. Not a minion, I've realized that I'm my own person and the way I followed Amber around was degrading." Her eyes begged for forgivness. I rolled my eyes.  
"Whatever. I forgive you, but I don't forget things easily." I told her. She squealed and jumped in the air a little.  
"Thank you, I'll make it up to you. I promise." Li tried to hug me and I backed away so she couldn't. She looked away sheepishly and walked away. I sighed. What the hell? _Now_ she felt remorse, after she'd seent that those girls weren't her real friends? I didn't even understand girls, and I'm a girl.  
"Hey, you." Castiel said coming up from behind me. I smiled a little. "Were my eyes tricking me or did Li just try to hug you?"  
"Your eyes were correct. She wants to be my friend." I informed him. He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't make much sense to me either."  
"Well if Li's your friend, then you have one less enemy." He told me.  
"You sound pretty positive." I teased him. He shrugged.  
"I'm not always negative, ya know." He said. I saw Lysander coming down the hallway, he gave me and Castiel a small wave.  
"Hello, Camilla, Castiel." He smiled a little. "How are you two?"  
"Pretty good." Castiel told him.  
"I'm just really happy to see people my age again." I joked.  
"You were suspended for a week right?" Lysander asked me. I nodded. "Your parents must have been livid."  
"No, my parents, uh, don't really care. My aunt though, was pissed." I told him.  
"Oh, you don't live your parents?" He asked. I shook my head. "I apologize for bringing them up then."  
"It's cool." I told him. I had grown a thick sheild when it came to talking about my parents. They mostly cared about arguing with each other, and all I asked for was some attention. I'd grown somewhat used to their lack of attention over the years.  
"That's good, I'm going to class now, I'll see you later, Castiel. It's always a pleasure, Camilla." Lysander nodded to both of us and before walking away. Castiel looked right into my eyes.  
"Are you really okay? When he mentioned your parents, your face just instantly changed." Castiel asked me quietly. I nodded.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied. His face was full of concern.  
"Camilla, you can talk to me." He said to me gently. "My parents don't care much for me either." He admitted to me. I blinked a few times. I didn't want to cry, not there, not then and not in front of Castiel.  
"Thank you, but I'm not ready to talk about it." I told him softly. He nodded.  
"Whenever you are, I'm here to listen." Castiel smiled at me. It was the first true smile I'd seen him give me, ever. The fact at how sincere his smile was made me want to burst into tears. I smiled back and ducked my head down. He lightly touched my shoulder and left down the hallway. I pulled myself together and forced myself into my first period classroom.

Being back in school gave me something to do all day. I didn't nessecarily miss having nothing to do all day. But I did miss being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever the hell I felt like it. At lunch, I decided to just go to the library to study and somewhat catch up on my homework.  
"Hey, Camilla, long time no see." Nathaniel said sitting down at the table across from me in the library. I sighed and shut my book.  
"Yeah, I just got back from suspension." I told him. He winced.  
"Whatever for? You've only been here what, two months?" Nathaniel asked.  
"Fighting. Being tardy, stuff along those lines." I replied. The look on his face was priceless. "I'm not a deliquient though. I'm just always in the wrong place at the wrong time."  
"So you believe in bad luck?" He joked lightly.  
"That would explain why the last seven years have been a bit of a hell." I joked back. He laughed.  
"What're you studying for?" He peered across the table, not nosily, just curiously. I let him see. "Biology, eh, I hate science. I like history better."  
"Yeah, law's cool and a bit more useful than the process of photosynthesis in plants." I said to him.  
"Exactly. I'm going to leave you to your studying then. I'll see you around then." He stood and went back to wherever he'd appeared from. I reopened the book and continued reading. Yawning at the boring text in front of me occasionally. Maybe being cooped up in my house all day wasn't such a bad thing.


	4. Jagged And Raw

Jagged And Raw

The one thing about returning to school after being gone so long was all the makeup work I had to complete. Even though it was all pretty easy, it was the amount that made it difficult to do. It took me the whole week for me to finally reach the end of all my assignments, old and new. Aunt Danni was so impressed with how focused I was on my schoolwork that she allowed to visit home if I wanted, I declined, since I knew neither of my parents would give a damn if I came home or not. I stayed holed up in my room almost the whole Saturday morning until Aunt Danni knocked on my room door.  
"Hey, Camilla, you've been in here all day. Let's go out and let your skin see the sun!" My aunt beamed at me. "We can take a short walk to the park, if you want." I glanced up at her above the book I was trying to catch up on for my english class.  
"I dunno...I'm pretty focused right now. And I'd hate to break this focus." I told her. She rolled her eyes.  
"If you say so. I'm really proud of how focused you've become. Maybe that suspension was a good thing." She closed the door behind her and was gone. I didn't see my suspension as a blessing in disguise. I learned to hide the dirt I was doing a lot better due to my suspension. I had been back to De Circ a few times, with Castiel's okay, since he didn't like me coming there on school nights. I had left school campus a few times for lunch and during our morning break with Castiel and Lysander. But as far as my aunt knew, I was this sweet neice that was finally attempting to have a good future. I got to my stopping point for the day in the boring book I had to read. I stretched and evaded my room and tried to give my legs some excersise.  
"I think I'm ready for that walk now." I called to my aunt. She came out of her room in a white cami and dark blue yoga pants.  
"I knew you would be." She pulled her hair back in a messy ponytail. "Are you going like that?" I looked down at what I had on. An oversized t-shirt from my old high school and sweatpants.  
"We're not going to go pick up guys, we're just walking." I pointed out to her. She chuckled.  
"If you'd like to borrow something..." Aunt Danni wasn't that much older than me. Ten years, maximum. She was still lean and pretty modern, but I'd never even seen her closet, let alone borrow anything from her. I went into her closet and it felt like I'd been transported into a world of pantsuits and classy business attire. "Oh, not in there, in here." She opened a dresser drawer on the other side of her room. I looked in there, surprisingly full of workout clothes and hip t-shirts. I chose a dark gray t-shirt and black cheerleading shorts.  
"Thanks." I told her as I went into her closet to put the clothes on. It felt odd being in her clothes. I stepped out of her closet. "Um, I'll go put on my flip-flops and we can go." I hurried out of her room and came back into mine. I slid on my flip-flops and met my aunt by the front door. She opened the door and let me out. I waited while she locked the front door and we began walking together. "So, uh, how's work been?"  
"Pretty good. I haven't been yelled at for hours by my boss in a while." My aunt laughed. "I find it hilarious when he yells. His face gets all red and sweaty."  
"Um...okay? What _is_ your job anyway?" I asked her curiously.  
"I'm a paralegal for a law firm." Aunt Danni said with a hint of pride.  
"That's cool, I had wanted to be a lawyer, then decided against it." I told her.  
"Why'd you decided against it?" She asked me. I shrugged.  
"My record. I mean, my grades are good enough for it, but my past makes it seem like I should be the one being prosecuted." I explained.  
"That makes sense, but you should never let your past interfere with your future. Those are two different things and should remain that way."  
"Colleges and universities don't see it that way." I told her. She acknowledged my comment and we walked in silence for a while. I didn't mind her company. It was still pretty odd to have someone that was in charge of me actually give a damn about whether I was succesful or not.

"Thanks for walking with me. I'd been meaning to get into somewhat of an exercise regimen." Aunt Danni said when we'd came back home and had gotten inside. I shrugged.  
"No biggie. I'm going to take a shower, I'll wash your clothes with mine and give them back to you." I told her. She waved it off.  
"No need to wash my clothes for me. I'll wash them." Aunt Danni went into her room. I heard the water in her bathroom turn on. I went to my own bathroom and turned on the water. As I undressed, the steam surrounded the bathroom in less than a minute. I took my time showering, I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue bonding with my aunt. Mostly since most people I bonded with winded up leaving and disappointing me.

Monday morning, I walked to school almost twenty minutes earlier than when I usually would. I wanted to get to school early so I could study for a math test I had that day. It was odd being there so early, no one was in the halls, every footstep I made echoed throught the hallways. I got to the library, only to find it locked and the inside dark.  
"Did you want to get into the library?" Nathaniel asked. He was right behind me and his voice had made me jump a little. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."  
"It's okay, and yeah, I have a math test and need to study." I told him.  
"Oh, I have a key." He pulled out a key ring and unlocked the door and held it open for me. "I come here all the time before school." I walked into the library. It smelled of old books and too much air freshner.  
"Huh, I figured." I muttered before I could stop myself.  
"What was that?" He asked. I closed my mouth abruptly.  
"I was uh, just asking if you'd mind helping me study?" I lied. His face brightened as he grinned.  
"No, not at all, what type of math do you take?" He asked me, we both sat next to each other at one table near the front of the library.  
"Algebra II" I told him. I pulled out my notebook and showed him what we were working on in class. He nodded as he looked over my notes.  
"Okay, this doesn't seem to hard. What do you need help on?"  
"Remembering the formulas." I said. He flipped through a few pages.  
"Can you tell me the formula for a vertical parabola?"  
"y-k=a(x-k) squared." I told him without missing a beat. He raised an eyebrow. I glanced at my hands quickly.  
"You don't need my help at all do you?" He asked me, something different in his voice. I couldn't place my finger on it. I nodded slowly.  
"Not really, but I do need to maker sure the formulas are concrete in my brain." I explained.  
"I don't understand. Your really smart, why can't you stay out of trouble?"  
"You say that like I choose to be in trouble."  
"Well, no one told you to fight Li or Charlotte."  
"They're bullies. They deserved everything they got and more."  
"Camilla, that's not your job though."  
"I don't like where this is going. Just ask me another algebra question."  
"Fine. If every suspension is ten days and Julie gets supended four times plus three days, how many monthes has she missed?"  
"Depends on what time of the year she was suspended. Averagely speaking, a month with about a week left over." I replied casually. I could tell what he was hinting at, but it didn't matter to me. He was just some guy that believed everyone could be someone good. He sighed.  
"Your different, Camilla. Really different." He said. I could tell what it was that was in his voice that was different, true perplexion. He was perplexed by me. I was smart, but made stupid decisions. I was rude, but not rude enough to insult him. I had a hard exterior that often would fall if someone talked to me the right way. I fought, but I fought only to protect others. He didn't understand how to react to me.  
"That's not the first time I've heard that." I muttered a bit bitterly.  
"I didn't mean it in a bad way. Why do you always think I'm insulting you?"  
"Because most of the time, people are."  
"Do I really seem like most people to you? Besides, why would I want to insult you? If anything, I want you on my side."  
"Your side? What the hell are you talking about? I'm on no one's side."  
"I mean, if everyone just started to hate me for some reason, I would like to have you in my corner not letting them all pummel me to oblivion."  
"Is this because I'm seen as some fighter?"  
"No, well, I mean...this isn't going the way I thought it would."  
"And what way is that?"  
"Nevermind. Forget I said anything." He stood from the table and reached for his bag. I stood too and grabbed his arm forcefully.  
"No, I want to know." I tightened my grip on his arm.  
"Fine, I don't get you. Your like this...I dunno, your not, but then you are."  
"I don't think I'm following you." I said, this was pretty intriguing. I released my death grip on his arm. He rubbed his arm a little and looked down into my eyes.  
"I'm attracted to you, and I have no why." He admitted, his gaze not leaving mine. "Your not my type, or I don't think you are, but I can't stop thinking and your so confusing." He sighed. "Why can't you just be straighforward?"  
"Because that would allow people in." I told him. He was attracted to me? Had I been sending him signals? How had that even happened?  
"Why don't you want people in? Not everyone's a bad person."  
"I don't want to take that chance though."  
"_I'm_ not a bad person." He took a small step towards me. I let him lean close, he smelled of strong cinnamon and soap. I blinked, why was I letting this happen?  
"I-I can't..." I backed up a step. "I'm sorry, but I just can't."  
"Can't what?" He reached a hand out to me. I glanced at it and looked away like I'd seen something scary. "Camilla?"  
"I can't let you in, I can't let anyone in." I turned. "Maybe one day, but not today." I was at the door when I heard him over my shoulder.  
"I'll wait until you can, Camilla." His words echoed in my head as I left the library. I was confused as to what had just happened. I had never put Nathaniel in that light before, so I never looked at him that way. And with Castiel, I felt like I could be myself and joke around. Dammit, I'd gotten myself into trouble again, and this time, I wasn't the only one going down fast.

I tried and wanted to not talk to Nathaniel until I figured out how _I_ felt. I didn't want to lead him on anymore if I didn't feel the same. I didn't bother talking to Iris about it, because I didn't feel like we were close enough to really start sharing secrets and private life stuff. So I avoided everything until later. After school, Castiel and Lysander had invited me to go with them to a music store. I agreed and we all piled into Castiel's truck.  
"Castiel told me you like rock music, who's your favorite band?" Lysander asked me from the front seat. I shrugged.  
"I have multiple favorites, but I really like Black Veil Brides." I told him.  
"I've heard of them, they're pretty good." Lysander said to me.  
"Yeah, I've seen them live twice and it was pretty epic." I said laughing a little. I saw Castiel give a smirk to me in his rearview mirror.  
"The first concert I ever went to was a Winged Skull concert and that was really cool." Castiel told us.  
"I bet it was, my first concert was a Falling In Reverse concert and things got heated there after someone mentioned Escape The Fate." Lysander chuckled.  
"Who's Winged Skull?" I asked. Lysander and Castiel gave me odd looks.  
"You've never heard of Winged Skull?" Castiel asked me.  
"No..."  
"Okay, when we get there, I'm showing you the awesomness that is Winged Skull." Castiel said. Lysander slapped him on the arm and muttered something to him. Castiel muttered something back, neither one bothering to let me in the loop.

I stared up at him. He started to smile. The song ended and I slid out the headphones. He reminded me of an eager child.  
"Like?" He asked me. I stuggled for the correct words.  
"No, I fuckin' love them. How have I not heard of them before?" I said excitedly. He chuckled a little.  
"I dunno, but they're pretty awesome in concert too." Castiel told me.  
"Really? Now I want to see them live." I said. Lysander returned back to us from across the store.  
"I'm assuming you've listened to Winged Skull?" Lysander said to me. I nodded. "They're pretty cool right?" And for the next few hours we walked around talking about music, until a little secret came out.  
"You what? Why haven't you told me?" I punchd Castiel in the arm playfully. We were walking around in a nearby park.  
"I dunno, it never came up, I geuss." Castiel was blushing now. He was absolutly adorable when he blushed.  
"I'm surprised he'd never told you about us being somewhat of a band, considering how much he talks about you." Lysander told me. The last part reminded me of something. Or someone. I looked up to Castiel, who avoided my gaze.  
"You talk about me? What do you say?" I asked Castiel teasingly. Castiel punched Lysander in the arm and muttered something to him angrily. Lysander just laughed and rubbed his arm.  
"Might I change the subject? Okay, so I was outside my house, mowing the lawn and I looked across the street to find this middle-school girl watching me." Lysander narrated hurridly.  
"That's creepy and weird." I noted. We continued talking, not bothering to say anything about Castiel talking about me. We got back into the truck after another hour of walking and talking. Castiel drove Lysander home first and I got into the front seat. I turned the radio down.  
"I'd like to hear you and Lysander play together sometime." I told him. He glanced at me.  
"Okay, we don't usually play in front of people..." He drifted off. He turned down the road that I lived on. "Did your aunt know you were out?"  
"Yeah, she insisted actually. She thinks I need to be more social or something." I said casually. He pulled into the driveway and parked.  
"Have you tricked her or something?"  
"No, I'm just covering my tracks better. All she sees is a good girl working towards a good future."  
"You really shouldn't decieve her. If you enjoy getting in trouble, just tell her that. What's the worst she can do?"  
"Not want to deal with me."  
"But she'd still love you. C'mon, I'll walk you to your door." Castiel got out the truck and opened the passenger door for me. I got out the truck. He closed the door behind me.  
"May I ask what Lysander was talking about earlier?" I asked him. He stopped walking and so did I, a few steps away from him.  
"Camilla, your very intriguing. I don't really know how to describe it." Castiel took a small step towards me. "But I think I like you." He leaned close, close enough that his bright red hair tickled my cheeks. For some reason again, I let a guy get close enough to kiss me. I closed my eyes and felt him lean closer. Then I felt him pull away. I opened an eye and saw him smirking at me.  
"What the hell?" I asked him. I blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what had just happened. He shrugged.  
"I didn't want to kiss you." He told me simply.  
"But you just said that you think you like me." I reminded him.  
"I did say that, and I don't _think_ I like you. I _know_ I do."  
"Then why didn't you kiss me?"  
"You're quite emotional about this. I didn't kiss you because it didn't feel right, like not here and not now." He pointed beind me to my aunt peeking through the blinds. "You should go." I looked up at him.  
"She's going to want you to say hello, ya know." I waved my aunt outside. Cautiously stepped outside. "Hey, Aunt Danni."  
"I didn't want to intrude on your...moment." Aunt Danni extended her hand to Castiel. "I'm Camilla'a aunt, Daniella, but you can call me Danni." Castiel took her hand and shook it.  
"Nice to meet you, Danni. I'm Castiel." Castiel seemed to be a bit nervous. "I uh, have to go, see you tomorrow, Camilla." Castiel stepped away and got into his truck. We waved and he waved back before backing out the driveway and driving away. Aunt Danni turned to me.  
"How come you've never mentioned him before?" Aunt Danni asked me once he was gone. I grabbed her wrist and dragged her inside. "Camilla, what's going on?"  
"I need to vent, and you the only one that'll understand." We sat down at the dining room table. I proceeded to tel everything that had happened to me that day. About Nathaniel, Castiel, everything. Then I told about everything since my first day at Sweet Amoris, leaving out parts of my late night excursions when I'm supposed to be asleep.  
"Let me get this straight, Nathaniel is attracted to you, and Castiel likes you." My aunt stated, I nodded.  
"Yes." I told her. She nodded slowly.  
"This isn't that hard. Okay, so have you talked to Nathaniel since or have you avoided him?"  
"Avoided him. But I do because I don't want to give him a false idea about my feelings for him if I don't feel the same."  
"I understand that, but he deserves an explanation or something."  
"I dunno if I can do that."  
"Well, you kind of have to. If he's attracted to you and you tell him how you truly feel, even if you don't feel the same, he'll appreciate the honesty. Now with Castiel, I have nothing to tell you."  
"That's okay, I really don't want to be with anyone right now anyway. I need to focus on myself first."  
"Yeah, work out all your personal issues, then the love'll come second." Aunt Danni stood and patted me on my shoulder. "Everything'll work itself out. Promise." I sat there. I hoped she was right, I didn't want to hurt anyone but what about me? I'd been hurt too many times for me to recognize someone who truly cared.


	5. Just Be Honest With Me

Just Be Honest With Me

"Hey." A tanned hand slammed down onto my desk before the start of biology. I glared up to find Amber, with a somewhat of a kind expression on her face. "Me and Charlotte are going for lattes after school. You wanna come?" I raised an eyebrow in suspicion.  
"You want me to get coffee with you." I retstated. She rolled her eyes. She was already losing her patience with me.  
"Yes, I just asked you that." She regained her composure and smiled brightly. Charlotte had this agitated air about her. Agitation mixed with fear.  
"Hello no." I told them flatly. Amber's smile slowl faded.  
"What'd you just say?" Amber asked, anger creeping into her voice. Charlotte's fear grew, it was apparent across her face. I stood from my seat and glared at Amber even harder.  
"Hell. No." I repeated, enunciating each word. Amber scoffed.  
"Why's that?" Charlotte asked, her words shaking at the end.  
"I dunno if you forgot this or not, but you're bullies and I never, in my life, wasnt to associate myself with you. Now get the fuck outta my sight." I snarled at them. Nor Amber nor Charlotte even bothered saying another word. They went back to their seats and I sat back down in mine. I saw Li give me an approving nod from the other side of the classroom.

After class, I went to my locker to get my notebook fro math. While I was there, Nathaniel came over to me. I glanced at him. I hadn't talked to him since he'd admitted his attraction to me which had been a week ago. I waited for him to speak first, since I had no idea what to say to him.  
"Are you avoiding me?" Nathaniel asked me. I closed my locker and reattatched the lock.  
"Not nessecarily. I just don't know what to say to you anymore." I admitted.  
"Just talk to me like you normally would. Forget I said anything." He suggested. I shook my head.  
"I can't just _forget_ what you said."  
"Could you try? I mean, I really shouldn't have said anything in the first place when you'd made it so clear that I'm just a friend to you."  
"It's not that I don't like you. It's more that I've never thought about you like that. Just give me some time, and I'll get back you on the matter."  
"Okay...I geuss I'll be waiting then." He turned, a hurt expression on his face. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back a little.  
"Don't feel bad, this is all me. I'm the one with issues and shit. You had every right to say what you said. But I still do need time." I squeezed his hand in the friendliest way possible. He smiled a little and walked away. My saying anything didn't make me feel any better about things. I needed to be alone. For hours. My favorite songs and a notebook. I need to just be by myself withmy emotions and problems. Maybe then I'd find a solution.

I had been sulking around school, trying to avoid everyon that had come to be a somewhat of a friend. I didn't want to talk to anyone. At one point I played sick and went to the nurse's office complaining of a really bad migraine. I got to lay down, and I was taking that time to sort things out and organize my thoughts when I heard someone walk in. There were a few people that were also cutting class that had come in, since their excuses were absolute bullshit, but this one though sounded somewhat honest.  
"I just need to lie down is all. Nothing major, just a headache." It was a guy talking. The nurse said something to him. "Thank you." He replied back. I heard him step around the curtain and lie down on the mat on the other side of the thin curtain. I could faintly see who it was. He had black hair, blue eyes and had on some pretty fashionable clothes for a guy. He closed his eyes and must've drifted off to sleep. I closed my eyes again and kept arranging things in my head. Why didn't I want to be in a relationship? There had to be a reason. _I don't feel I deserve someone's love. _The thought came out of nowhere, but when it did, I knew it was the exact reason why. But why did I feel I didn't derserve someone's love? I pondered that question for a while. I heard the bell ring in the hallway signaling the end of sixth period. I had had enough of being in this hell hole. I sat up on the mat and slid off of it. I grabbed my bag and went to the nurse.  
"Thank you for letting me lie down." I told her. She handed me a pass to give to my teacher confirming that I'd been in the nurse's office and wasn't just skipping. I took the pass and thanked her again. I walked out of the nurse's office and went to my locker. I was somewhat happier to find Iris and Castiel waiting for me there. I arrived to my locker and threw all my stuff in there. I didn't feel like dealing with it right then.  
"Hey, why weren't you in class?" Iris asked me. I shrugged.  
"I had a really bad headache." I lied. I was going to play along with the lie I'd told the nurse, since there really wasn't a reason for me to not be in class.  
"I hope you feel better." Iris touched my shoulder lightly. "If you need the notes, I have them."  
"Thanks, but no thanks." I told her. "I'm just going to go home."  
"Well, take care then. Feel better." Iris gave me a weak smile and walked away. I closed my locker and reattatched the lock back and locked it.  
"Do you want me to give you a ride home?" Castiel asked me. I shrugged.  
"You can if you want, but I don't mind walking." I told him.  
"I'd feel bad if I let a sick girl walk home. I'll give you a ride." Castiel and I walked down the hallway and out to the parking lot. I had no idea how we were going to just ride off of campus, but then again, I never actually left the school during school hours. We got in the truck and Castiel drove to the school's gate. He showed the resource officer his student ID and the officer opened the gate.  
"I didn't know it was that easy to leave during school hours." I noted to him.  
"I'm legally independant, so for me it's that easy. Now for you, it's a different story. You'd need someone to actually come and check you out of school." Castiel explained as he drove away from the school. "Should I stop by the drugstore for medicine?" He asked. This was odd, he was _concerned_ about my wellbeing.  
"I don't think so. I just need to sleep off whatever this is." I told him.  
"Okay then." He stopped at a red light. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I just need sleep-"  
"I don't mean that way. You seem worn out, somehow. " His voice held so much concern. I really just wanted to tell him everything, but I didn't want to burden him with all my personal issues.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied to him. He didn't seem convinced at all.  
"No, your not. What's going on? C'mon tell me." He drove down my street and pulled into the driveway. I knew my aunt wasn't home. She'd probably ask why I'd been home so early. I'd deal with that when the time came to deal with it.  
"I'm just going through some stuff, it's all good." I told him. He stared at me, trying to figure out what I meant. "It's nothing, really."  
"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be skipping school right now." He pointed out to me. My eyes widened. "What? You thought I bought that bullshit lie about your headache? Camilla, I've ditched school before."  
"It wasn't a lie, my head _did_ hurt..a little." I told him. He sighed.  
"Just be honest with me, Camilla. What's really wrong?"  
"I-I can't tell you. Because if I do, I know I'll wind up crying, and I don't want to cry in front of you."  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want you to think I'm weak or something."  
"We all cry at some point in our life. I'd rather you cry in front of me than cry by yourself." He gave me a small grin, encouraging me to talk to him. I took a shaky deep breath and began to tell him all what was going on. My realization in the nurse's office, how I just wanted my parents to pay attention to me and my feelings. I did wind up crying at some point, he held me against him and stroked my hair while I cried into his shirt. After my whole emotional breakdown, I pulled away from him and hopelessly wiped at my tears.  
"That was embarressing." I chuckled nervously. "But uh, thanks for listening." I said. I felt Castiel tilt my chin up to look up at him. He leaned closer and I felt his lips on mine. It had been worth the wait. His lips were soft against mine. I didn't deepen the kiss and neither did he. I just enjoyed the feel of his mouth lingering on mine.  
"I didn't mind listening to you." He told me against my lips. He pulled away slowly. "I'm not sure I'm much help with the whole feelings department, but I understand wanting your parents' attention. My dad's a pilot and my mom's a sterwardess and I never really see them, but they love their jobs. Them not being home often is why I became legally independent. Sometimes, I'd like them to look at me like I'm important for a change or go out of their way to see me every once in a while. But you saw your parents, they just never saw you."  
"I'm so messed up." I ran a hand through my hair. He half-smiled.  
"Same here. But at least we can be open about our issues." He glanced through the windshield to my house. "I hate to leave now, but how long have we been in here?" He asked me. I checked my phone.  
"Almost two hours." I told him. He blinked.  
"Damn, yeah, I should go." He smiled at me. He got out the truck and opened the passenger door for me. I got out and fell right into his arms. I felt him wrap his arms around me and hold me tightly to him. "Please don't cry, and if you need to talk, I'll be at De Circ." He told me. I nodded.  
"Are you working today?" I asked him. He brushed a strand of hair away from my face.  
"Yeah, I get off at eight tonight, but if you need anything at all, I can take a break." Concern was still in his voice. I appreciated how much he seemed to care.  
"Okay, you don't have to worry though." I assured him. He leaned down and kissed me again. This time the kiss was a bit deeper than the first. I pulled away first. He gazed right into my eyes, his gray eyes intense.  
"I'll see you later then." He didn't move and neither did I.  
"Yeah, you will." I told him. He gave me a quick peck and went back to his truck. I gave him a small wave and went inside my house. The sound of his truck pulling out the driveway was the only sound I could hear in the house. Everything was so still. I went to my room and flopped down on my bed. I was a bit electrified from kissing Castiel, but I fell asleep easily.

I awoke with a start as my aunt touched my forhead. She jumped back away from me. I sat straight up in my bed and ran a hand through my messy hair.  
"Your school had called, are you okay? I could have picked you up if you wanted to me. How _did _you get home?" Aunt Danni interrogated me. I held up a hand to her and sat on the edge of my bed.  
"Calm down. I just needed to sleep. I feel a lot better now, thanks for asking. And Castiel drove me home." I told her, trying to answer all of her questions at once. Aunt Danni's eyes widened a little.  
"_Castiel_ drove you home? Why didn't you just call me?" She asked me all motherly. I shrugged.  
"I dunno. I didn't want to bother you while you were at work, and Castiel had to leave anyway to go to work." I replied before yawning.  
"That worries me. Not that I don't trust him, he hasn't given me a reason not to, but I don't like the idea that he drove you home in the middle of a school day. Next time, call me, regardless." Aunt Danni directed me. I nodded.  
"Okay. I will." I assured her. She turned to leave.  
"Would you like anything in particular for dinner?" She inquired. I shook my head no. "Okay, we'll be having leftovers then." She vanished down the hallway and into what I pressumed to be the kitchen. I got out of bed and went to take a long, hot shower. Once out of the shower, I scoured the fridge in search of something to eat. I settled on some leftover broccoli and cheese soup. As I was waiting for it to heat up in the microwave, a thought crossed my mind. Castiel wanted to check in and see how I was doing. Fuck, how did that manage to pass my mind.? I saw the headlights in the driveway and heard the purr of his engine. My aunt came into the kitchen with an empty plate and a suspicious look. I shrugged and took out the container of soup from the microwave. The doorbell rung and my aunt went to go answer it. I let her and left my soup to cool down on the counter.  
"Um, hello again, Danni." Castiel said to my aunt as she opened the door.  
"Hello, Castiel. How are you?" She asked him. I tried to keep in the laughter that threatened to burst through my lips.  
"Pretty good, thanks. I uh, came over to see if Camilla's doing all right." Castiel told her. I had to cover my mouth. This was too funny. My aunt, was making him squirm under pressure, and she knew it too.  
"Oh, would you like to see her? C'mon in." Aunt Danni asked him. I heard the door widen and close. "She's in the kitchen. Camilla?" I emerged from the kitchen and into the dining room to find my aunt in front of Castiel. Castiel wasn't in his work clothes, but in his regular ones, and his face had a light blush to it.  
"Oh, hey, Castiel." I messed with my wet hair.  
"Hey, you feeling any better?" He asked me. I nodded.  
"Yeah, I just needed to sleep it off." I replied nonchalantly. It felt like we were walking on glass, and avoiding the main thing we wanted to talk about. Aunt Danni left the room and went into the kitchen. I knew she could still hear us through the door that led into the kitchen.  
"That's good to hear. That's all I really wanted." He gave me a small grin. "I'll go ahead and go now."  
"Oh, let me walk you to your truck." I told him. "Aunt Danni! I'm walking Castiel to his truck!"  
"Fine! But you'd better be back in here in three minutes!" Aunt Danni called back. I smiled at him and opened the door for us both to step outside into the night air. It wasn't cold yet, it was still pretty mild but it was dark. We walked to his truck in silence and once we were at his truck he turned to me.  
"So, um, we should probably talk." Castiel said to me. I nodded.  
"Yeah, but where should we start?" I asked him. He bit his bottom lip in thought. He looked pretty hot like that.  
"I guess I'll start by saying I like you, and I like being around you." He sighed. "And this afternoon, I just _really_ wanted to kiss you."  
"Even after what I said about my not deserving anyone's love?" I asked him, confused beyond anything. He took a small step towards me.  
"Camilla, I don't see how you could think you don't deserve love. You do beyond anything." He told me softly.  
"I just don't want to be hurt again though." I whispered to him.  
"I won't hurt you, promise." He closed the distance between our mouths. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer to me. Our lips moved along each others and when he pulled away, I wanted to pull him back. "I should go, I don't want to get you in trouble."  
"Well, thanks for checking up on me." I told him. He smirked.  
"Goodnight, Camilla." He kissed me on the tip of my nose.  
"Goodnight. Castiel." I watched as he got into his truck and drove away. I went back inside. Aunt Danni was watching the news.  
"That was a loooong three minutes." Aunt Danni commented to me. I sighed. I went back into the kitchen to my soup. It was lukewarm but I ate it anyway since by then, I was beyond hungry.

A few days later, I was back at school, my aunt had obsessivly checked up on me every few hours to make sure I was okay since my being driven home by Castiel. I had talked to him since then, but it was usually with Lysander around. I was at my locker with Castiel, the first alone-time we'd had in days.  
"I hate to ask, but what are we exactly?" I asked him. He shrugged.  
"Whatever you want us to be." He replied back easily.  
"Dammit, your in this too, what do _you_ want to be?" I asked him teasingly. He smirked at me.  
"I'd like to be a musician." He told me. "And what do _you _want to be?"  
"You know that's not what I meant." I tried to sound as serious as possible.  
"I know what you meant. And I wasn't sure if you wanted to be in a relationship with me."  
"Why's that?"  
"I'm not the most pleasant person to be around? I dunno."  
"And what if I did tell you I wanted to be in a relationship with you?"  
"I'd say okay and that'd be the end of this conversation."  
"So I have to tell you that?"  
"Um, yeah? You already know that I want to be with you. I should hear the same thing from you."  
"Fair's fair I geuss." I sighed. "Castiel, I want to be in a relationship with you."  
"Hell no." He said seriously. I blinked. "I'm joking, I'm joking, I promise."  
"Oh, I thought you were being serious." I told him with a laugh.  
"No, I could never be that much of an asshole." He leaned down and kissed me. I heard the bell ring and pulled away from him. "I'll see you later, Camilla." He turned to go down the hallway to his class. I went to mine. I sat in my seat as a kid with brown hair and bright green eyes came into class. A few girls gwaked at him. He sat in the desk next to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked over at him.  
"Hey, Camilla." He said to me. I raised an eyebrow.  
"How the hell do you know me?" I asked him a bit creeped out.  
"You don't recognize me? I'm Ken, remember?"


	6. Overheated and Underappreciated

Overheated And Underappreciated

I blinked and stared at the boy claiming to be Ken in front of me. I heard the teacher call for everyone's attention. I faced the teacher, still transfixed at how different Ken looked. Damn, if military school did that to him, what would the real military do to him? Was he still the same dorky Ken? Not physically, obviously, but personality-wise? Right as the bell rang signalling the end of class, I grabbed this new-and-improved Ken by the arm.  
"Ken? What the fuck did they do to you?" I asked half-joking. He smiled.  
"They toughened me up, I guess. And could you call me Kentin now? Ken's such a silly kid's name." He told me. Even his voice was deeper.  
"Okay, _Kentin_. How are you?" I asked him with a smile. He shrugged sheepishly. A girl ran into the door from staring at Ken. He looked over at her and asked if she was okay. She nodded and giggled.  
"I'm pretty good. How have you been?" He answered turning back to me.  
"Okay. C'mon, walk with me." I told him. We walked out the classroom and into the hallway. It was very obvious to all the stares at Ken. I even got envious ones, if only they knew I was with Castiel.  
"Hey, I meant to thank you again, ya know for standing up to Amber for me." Ken said quietly. "You were the only person that was truly nice to me."  
"Eh, you got on my nerves, but no one deserves to be treated the way they treated you." I admitted to him. He nodded.  
"Yeah, I can understand my annoying you. God, I was such an annoying little bitch." He said regretfully. "But, it's all good now."  
"Um, not to sound all negtive, but um, why did you come back?"  
"Because my course was over, it was only a semester long training and learning course."  
"Oh, did you like it there?"  
"Fuck no. I never want to go back." He told me bitterness biting at the end of his words. I gave him a pity smile.  
"Hopefully, you'll never have to go back." I told him cheerfully.  
"I hope so too. I have to go this way but I'll see you around, Camilla." Ken flashed me a huge grin and waved to me. I waved back as he was swallowed whole by the mass of students in the halls. I felt someone squeeze my hips from behind, I squealed and turned around. Castiel was frowning.  
"Who the hell was that?" He asked me. I looked back over my shoulder in the direction that Ken had gone.  
"Oh, that was Ken." I told him. His eyes widened a little.  
"Really? He looks a lot different." He slid his hand in mine. "I was wondering, do you have anything important next period?" I shook my head.  
"No, why?" I asked him a bit flirtatiously. He smirked at me, his eyes full of mischief. I knew where this was going, and I was going to go with it, no matter how much trouble I'd get into for it.  
"You wanna skip? We can visit the kennel where I volunteer." He suggested. I nodded. I didn't know he volunteered, but then again, every person at Sweet Amoris had to complete some sort of volunteer service in order to graduate.  
"Sure." I told him with a small smile.  
"Cool, let's go then." Since Castiel's job never had a set schedule, he could claim that he was leaving for work anytime of day he wanted to. All I had to do was sit in the truck and pretend not to be there. I'd handle the absence with my teacher later. We rode a few blocks away from the school to the kennal. On the outside it was brick and was pretty open. The doors were like farmhouse doors and were open to everyone. Castiel parked his truck and yelled for someone named James, I think. A guy a few years older than us came from around a corner with a small, golden, puppy in his arms.  
"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" James asked Castiel jokingly.  
"But am I ever?" Castiel retorted matching James' joking tone. "Hey, this is my girlfriend, Camilla." Castiel squeezed my fingers gently.  
"Hey, I'm James." James extended a hand to me, switching the puppy to just one arm. "I run the kennel."  
"That must be an interesting job." I noted to him. He shrugged.  
"It's more sad than anything. I see these poor dogs come in all beated and bruised and so scared of being hurt again that they fear all humans. But it's never dull though." James replied. "Would you like to hold Honey?"  
"Aw, sure." I extended my arms and he gave me the golden ball of fur that was Honey. I noticed Castiel watching me with a grin on his face. I grinned back at him and let the pup lay in my arms.  
"So how's Demon?" James asked Castiel. He broke his gaze away from me and focused on James.  
"He's awesome. Eats like hell still." Castiel told him.  
"Most big dogs do. Remember when he first came in, he was like super small with this huge appetite?" James' and Castiel's conversation evolved into talk about which dog breed was better and why. Then about their jobs. I decided to stay out of it, since it was guy talk and I didn't want to get in the way. A little while later, Castiel took Honey from me and went to put her back in her own cage.  
"Um, so you're really good friends, huh?" I asked James. He shrugged.  
"Sorta. I'm like his boss, but more relaxed about it." James told me.  
"Oh, almost like my aunt." I stated. "She's almost like a friend, but when nessecary, she becomes strict."  
"What about your parents?" He asked, almost like he didn't want to ask, because he didn't know the truth about them.  
"I have no idea. I don't stay with them, it was a really shitty enviorment to be in when I did stay with them." I explained to him. He nodded in understanding.  
"I get that. I stayed with my grandparents when my parents went through their divorce. I didn't want to be the one thing they fought over the hardest _just to win_, ya know?" He asked. I nodded, understanding exactly what he was saying. Castiel came back around the corner, he slung an arm around my waist.  
"Thanks for letting us hang out here, James." Castiel said to James.  
"Anytime." James told him. Me and Castiel went and got back in his truck.  
"So, I'm going to you back to school, I need to go to work soon." Castiel told me once we were both in the truck.  
"Okay. You seem to have a very odd schedule." I teased him. He smirked.  
"I do. I never exactly know when someone will decide to not come to work or when someone has some sort of personal 'emergency'."  
"And what do you mean by personal 'emergency'?"  
"Exactly that. Like the person needs a smoke break and just never comes back to work. Or they just don't feel like working so they leave."  
"The hell? They can just leave whenever they want to?"  
"Pretty much. But it screws up everybody's schedule and plans. Like I had planned on taking you out to lunch but when I went to put Honey back in her cage, Dolly called me and asked me to come in." Castiel told me. I glanced out the window. We were about a street away from the school.  
"It's okay. We'll rain check it." I said cheerfully. I saw him start to smile a little. He drove back into the student parking lot showing his ID again. He parked his truck and got out with me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, and kissed me. I could feel his fingers tapping in beat to a song in his head on my waist. I tangled my fingers in his bright red hair. I could smell the light scent of cigarette smoke on his jacket. I didn't want him to go, not yet. All too soon, he pulled away from me.  
"Shit, I _really_ don't want to go to work." He told me with a laugh. I laughed a little too. My arms were still around his neck and his were still around my waist.  
"No, you should go." I told him. He sighed. "You don't want to screw up someone else's plans, do you?"  
"Your right, I'll see you tomorrow then." He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against mine. I pulled him down to me, crashing his lips against mine. I let his fingers continue to drum whatever beat was in his head. I pulled on his hair hard, but not too hard. His finger's stopped drumming for a second then resumed. Our lips moved over each other's easily. Again, too soon, he pulled away. "Damn, I really need to go." His hands retracted from my waist. I let my arms fall from around his neck  
"See you tomorrow then." I told him. He nodded slowly. I didn't hear him peel out of the parking lot until I was inside the school again. Iris was immediatly at my side when I went back to my locker.  
"Whoa, were the hell have you been?" She asked me. I opened my locker and got ready for my next class like I'd been there and had never left.  
"I was with Castiel." I told her. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her reaction to this. I thought she'd flip out or something, but she didn't.  
"Cool, so was it like a date or something?" She asked me. I shrugged.  
"I dunno. I geuss." I never really felt date pressure when I was out with just Castiel. We had this easy flow of conversation  
"Well, I should tell you that Li and Nathaniel are looking for you." Iris handed me a folded piece of paper. "And some guy asked me to give this to you."  
"Damn, I leave for a class period and all of this?" I joked taking the note from her outstretched hand. I opened it. It read:

_Dear, Camilla._

_ Hey, um, I think we should talk, like immediatly. I couldn't find you and assumed Iris knew where you were. I really hope that this gets to you. Meet me in the library at lunch._

_-Nathaniel_

I refolded the note and stuffed it into my back pocket. So that cleared what Nathaniel wanted. But what could Li possibly want? After talking to Iris, I found Li in the bathroom reaplying her lipstick, as if it ever has time to even fade a little. She turned when she noticed me and closed her compact.  
"Hey, you. Skipping class I see." Li teased me. I shrugged. I considered her an ally. Someone I could count on to be on my side but nothing more.  
"Yeah. Iris told me that you had been looking for me." I said to her, trying to not sound completly dead.  
"I was. I wanted to ask you about Kentin. This morning, he was like, hot. And your like his only friend, so um-"  
"You want me to get his number or get you a date with him."  
"No, no, I want to apologize. Not for either of those reasons, but because I feel bad. Like really bad. Like worse than when I had to apologize to you."  
"I get it. Shame. Why'd you need me if you're apologizing to him?"  
"You stand up to Amber so easily. I can't do that." Li started. "I really admire your courage and morals. I just, kind of want to be like you."  
"Um, thanks. No one's ever told me they wanted to be like me." I felt my face flush a little. I wasn't really the role model type, my file was too thick to ever be a role model's file. "But Amber's just a person, no matter how high she might hold herself over everyone, she's still just like you and I."  
"But she has more cofidence and is pretty. And guys like her."  
"Fuck those guys. She might be pretty, with all the make-up she puts on, and her confidence is probably at the same level as yours. She just covers it up better."  
"That helps. Thank you." Li hugged me suddenly. I hugged her back a little. She beamed at me and left the bathroom. I was starting to find myself not so gaurded about Li. She really just needed someone to follow, and I geuss I was her new leader.

The last period of the day before lunch was always the longest class ever. Or at least it felt that way. I was doodling song lyrics into my notebook when the bell finally rang and the teacher shut up. I gathered my stuff together and dragged myself out of the classroom. I checked my bag to make sure I had all the neccesary things to do my homeworl before I went to the library. I double checked and found everything that needed to be there. I strolled throughout the hallways to the library. At the entrance was Nathaniel looking around nervously.  
"Hey, I got your note." I told him. He stopped jittering when he saw me.  
"Oh, thank goodness. So, uh, how've you been?" He asked me. I shrugged.  
"Pretty good I geuss. And you?" I replied casually.  
"Same. I should probably tell you why I wanted you to meet me here." Nathaniel chuckled nervously. "I almost hate to ask, but I was hoping we could hang out, like friends."  
"Hang out? Okay, maybe tomorrow, I have something to do today." I told him. He blinked and looked at the floor.  
"Yeah, tomorrow's fine." He didn't look up from the floor. "Um, I have a quick question."  
"Yeah?" I didn't need to leave soon, but I did need to be on my way home so I could erase the message left on the answering machine anouncing my absence before my aunt got home.  
"Do you ever think you could like me back?" Nathaniel asked me sheepishly. I blinked. "Nevermind, I shouldn't have-"  
"Possibly. Maybe if things were a bit different." I told him. He stopped talking instantly. His bright, golden eyes looked even brighter.  
"Really? What would need to be different?" He asked me eagerly. I shrugged.  
"Lots of stuff. My veiws on things. Etcetera." I turned to go. "I'll see you around though." I smiled and walked away from him. I didn't tell him about my being with Castiel, because I didn't want to create friction between them unless it was completly nessecary.

I went home and somehow managed to get there before Aunt Danni did. I erased the message from Sweet Amoris and pretended like nothing happened. My aunt came home a little after I had erased the message with a huge grin on her face. I glanced up at her over my shoulder. I turned down the televison.  
"What's with the goofy grin?" I asked her. She squealed.  
"I helped my boss win a case! And he thinks I might have what it takes to be his prodigy." Aunt Danni squealed again.  
"That's awesome! We should celebrate." I told her happily. She frowned a little. "What?"  
"Nope, we can't tonight. I have some law stuff I need to look over. Maybe this weekend." My aunt told me sadly. I nodded.  
"Okay. this weekend, don't make any plans, we're going out." I told her cheerfully. "Oh, by the way, I should tell you something."  
"Yeah?" Aunt Danni asked flopping down on the loveseat across from the couch I was on.  
"Me and Castiel are together. Like officially." I told her, my voice containing no one true emotion.  
"I'm not surprised. He seems nice, as far as I can tell." She told me as she took out her phone and began texting someone.  
"He is." I agreed. We fell into a comfortable silence and that was the end of our discussion on that matter. She later on told me more about what had happened to her at work and I inserted my opinion and thoughts where nessesacary. I told her bits and pieces of my day, a little about what happened with Nathaniel, but not everything, she'd probably tell me to tell him the whole truth. But what would that do? If I told him that I was with Castiel, that would just create problems that don't need to be created.

The next day, the first person I ran into was Charlotte. She popped the dakr purple gum that was in her mouth. She chomped on her gum a few times, glaring at the me the whole time she did so.  
"You have a new lab partner. Since you were absent, and everyone got to choose their lab partners." She told me flatly.  
"What about Ken? Did he not want to be my partner?" I asked her.  
"Not that _he_ didn't want to, it was more that Amber wanted to be his partner, and you know that whatever Amber wants, she gets." Charlotte rolled her eyes at the last part. "She likes him, ya know. Now that's he's attractive and shit."  
"Hm. Why are you telling me this? I thought you hated me." I reminded her.  
"I don't hate you. Your the first person to stand up to Amber, and I like your courage. And I'm telling you all this so you won't look stupid walking into biology today." Charlotte spun on her heels, her brown ponytail bouncing as she strolled away. I blinked. What the hell just happened? Was Charlotte just _nice_ to me? I shrugged and went class.

I did have a new lab partner. My new lab partner was that guy from the clinic. He didn't say much to me. When we had to start the lab, I tried talking to him.  
"Hey, I'm Camilla." I told him briskly.  
"Armin." He said hurridly, almost as if he wanted to be rid of my conversation with him.  
"Sorry I wasn't here last class. Had some stuff to do." I lied to him. He nodded and kept on working on the lab. He poured some liquid and measured it into the graduated cylinder. "Anything I can do?" He shook his head and continued working. I glanced around the room. Everyone else was working with their partner. Even Kentin and Amber. I looked back at my own partner. He wouldn't even say two words to me. "Am I pestering you?" He looked up at me for a second, his bright blue eyes darkened a little. He shook his head. "Then why won't you talk?" He shurgged. I sighed, exsperated. "What do you like to do?"  
"Video games." Armin mumbled to me. He didn't say it irritably, just softly.  
"Which kind?" I asked him. He shrugged again.  
"First-person shooter, adventure, war games, racing, stuff like that." He replied a bit more easily.  
"That's cool." I stood back a little. I felt like I wasn't pulling my weight. "Are you sure that there's nothing I can do?" He nodded.  
"But, you can hold up that test tube and see if it's warm. If it is, then this reaction's exothermic and can damage..." Armin went on to himself, or me, about what an exothermic solution would mean. I didn't listen to half of it, since it all sounded like gibberish. I touched the test tube and it was ice cold.  
"It's cold." I told him shattering his speech on plant and what damages them.  
"Thanks." He didn't say anything else for the rest of the class. No matter what I asked, he didn't say anything. He would just nod, shrugg and point to stuff. After class, I was relieved that I didn't have to try to make conversation with someone. Castiel's smile from across the hall was enough to make me forget about my biology class.


	7. We're Just Getting Started, Honey

We're Just Getting Started, Honey

I'm not exactly sure what it was about the situation that made me a little bit nervous. Maybe it was Castiel being nervous. We'd been together almost four months and his parents had finally touched down in Aftermathica, the city next over, and wanted to have dinner with us. I had tied my long white hair back into a messy bun with random peices falling out. My dress was a plain navy blue dress with white lace trim. Castiel had on a long-sleeved, white, button-down dress shirt and black dress pants. His fingers were drumming on the steering wheel when I got into his midnight black truck. He glanced at me, then stared for a moment.  
"What?" I mentally started panicking. Was there something on my face? My dress? In my hair? I really wanted to look perfect for meeting his parents.  
"You look really beautiful." He told me. I felt myself relax and blush.  
"Well, you don't look so bad yourself." I replied. He smirked at me and pulled out of my driveway. When we pulled into the parking lot of the restuarant, Malum Murem, I put my hand over his shaking one. "It's okay." We got out of the truck and his hand slid comfortably into mine.  
"I'm really nervous." He finally admitted to me as we were making our way to the restaurant door. I stopped walking and pulled him close to me. He didn't even fight back.  
"You really shouldn't worry, _I'm_ not worried." I told him softly. He gazed into my eyes for a moment before he leaned down to connect our mouths. Faintly, I could hear cars' tires crunching on the gravel, mostly, I could hear my heart beating wildly at the first touch from Castiel. He pulled away slowly.  
"Thanks. C'mon, they're probably waiting on us." Inside Malum Murem, was pretty high end. The floor was a traditional maroon and the tables were a dark wood which matched the chairs. On the tables were maroon candles and white tableclothes. Catsiel led me over to a table where a blond, curly-haired woman and a middle-aged, black-haired man sat. They both grinned and stood when they saw us. The woman hugged Castiel.  
"Hey, Pirate." The woman told him. He blushed a deep red.  
"Hey, mom, dad." Castiel gave his dad a half-hug. "Um, this is my girlfriend, Camilla." I smiled warmly at them.  
"Hello, I'm Carrie." The woman told me kindly. "You can call me Carrie."  
"And you can call me Elliot." The man who must've been Castiel's dad said to me. We all sat down, me next to Castiel and his parents next to each other.  
"I like what you did with your hair, Pirate." Carrie told Castiel  
"Thanks, can you not call me Pirate?" Castiel asked her sheepishly.  
"Nonsense!" She turned to me. "The reason I call him Pirate is because when Castiel was younger, he had to wear an eyepatch after hitting himself in the face with a drumstick, and when he did, he walked around talking like a pirate, even after it he stopped wearing the eyepatch." Carrie explained to me. I couldn't help but laugh at the image of a younger Castiel talking like a pirate.  
"That's cute. When I was really young, I had tried to color my hair orange with a marker, it took days for it to come out." I told them. Carrie smiled.  
"What's your original hair color?" Elliot asked me. I thought for a second.  
"It's been so long since I've seen it..I'm a dirty blond." I said to him. A waitor comes over and refilled everyone's water glass and set a bowl of bread down in the middle of us all. We continued talking easily, almost like we'd known each other for ages. As far as I could tell, Carrie and Elliot seemed to like me.  
"How long have you two been together?" Elliot asked me and Castiel as the waitor, Tommy, took away our empty plates.  
"About four months." Me and Castiel said at the same time. Our eyes meet and I saw him blush a little.  
"Aw, that reminds me of when we started dating, Elliot." Carried touched his shoulder fondly. "Only we couldn't keep our hands off of each other."  
"Mom..." Casiel grimaced. Carrie gav him an innocent look.  
"What? Did that disturb you?" Carrie laughed a little. "So who wants dessert?"

Dinner with Castiel's parents had went a lot better than I thought it would. I didn't expect them to be so nice, and actually _like_ me. We all left Malum Murem together, but since we came in seperate vehicles, we said goodbye at the door.  
"Next time we touch down, we just _have_ to do this again." Carrie told us after she'd hugged me. She had smelled like fresh apples, almost like my mom did. Elliot didn't hug me, but shook my hand instead.  
"I'm very happy that Castiel met you. He hasn't gotten into much trouble since meeting you." Elliot whispered to me so no one could hear. I smiled at him.  
"Thank you." I told him cheerfully. I and Castiel waved goodbye to his parents and we walked over to where his truck was. Halfway there, he stopped.  
"Race you to the truck." He said to me. "You can have a head start." I took off running towards the truck, Castiel only inches from me. I began laughing really hard. I reached the truck first and looked behind me to yell out my victory. But he wasn't behind me. I panted softly and started to look around. Did I go to the wrong truck? Just before my panic started to reach it's climax, I felt arms around my waist from behind me. "Got you." Castiel whispered into my ear. I jumped a little, startled.  
"Yeah, you did." I whispered back. He kissed my neck lightly, making my pulse race even more.  
"C'mon, I have something I want to show you." Castiel opened the passenger door for me and let me in. He walked around the hood to the driver-side door. Once he got in, he started the truck and pulled out the parking lot. My mind couldn't help but wonder what it was that he wanted to show me. He drove to some open field on a side of town I had yet to see. The amount of houses had seemed to decrease as he drove. He pulled onto some field where there were very few trees and the moon looked really full above. He shut off the truck and got out. I let him open my door and I got out too. The grass was already damp with dew and my heels didn't offer my feet much protection.  
"Where are we?" I asked him jokingly. "The sky here is acually full of stars."  
"It's too far from the inner city for all the airplanes and lights to block your view of the sky. This is where I come sometimes when I need to just need to get away from everyone." Castiel was sharing his secret place with me. I took a small step towards him.  
"It's really pretty." I told him. I stared up at the moon. It really did seem to be bigger there than in the city. I felt him step closer to me. I turned back to him. Our lips connected seconds after. I let my fingertips graze his arms as my arms wrapped around his neck. His hands found the lowest part of my waist and squeezed me gently. I smiled a little and deepened the kiss. My heart was pounding in my ears. The kiss ended and I couldn't help but gaze right into his deep gray eyes. He kissed the tip of my nose, making me giggle a little.  
"You're so cute." He told me as he squeezed me again.  
"And so are you." I leaned up to kiss the tip of his nose. He smiled down at me. Everytime he'd smile, my stomach would fill with butterflies, and I couldn't help but smile right back at him. His eyes grew serious and he bit his bottom lip a little.  
"C'mon." He took my hand and led me away from the truck to a worn spot on the ground. It must've been the exact spot he came to often. He sat down and I slowly sat down, careful to not flash him anything. He smirked at my awkward sitting position. "You okay? I have a jacket in the truck if you need it."  
"Yeah, dresses were not made for sitting on the ground." I joked to him. He laughed and I started to smile.  
"Your amazing, Camilla."

After we'd left the field, Castiel drove me home. We both got out of the truck and before we were halfway up the driveway, he took me into his arms. I giggled and he smiled.  
"Shhh, I don't want your aunt to come out here yet." Castiel whispered.  
"Okay, sorry." I whispered back with a small grin. He leaned down and as our mouths connected, I could feel his arms tighten a little around me.  
"Oh, hey! Your home!" Aunt Danni bellowed from the front door, causing me and Castiel to break away in embaressment. "Oh, hello, Castiel! How was dinner?"  
"It was really good, thanks for asking." Castiel told her, a deep blush creeping across his cheeks.  
"No problem. Hurry up and say goodbye, Camilla." Aunt Danni went inside and closed the door behind her slowly. I looked back at Castiel.  
"So sorry about that." I told him sheepishly. He half-smiled.  
"It's all good." He kissed me again, not as deep this time. "Goodnight, Camilla." He told me soflty.  
"Goodnight, Castiel." I watched him smile and walk away from me. I strolled inside, my lips still tingling from the kiss. Aunt Danni was waiting on me when I came inside. The warmth in the house was smothering.  
"Hey, Auntie." I tried sounding innocent. Aunt Danni turned around and raised an eyebrow.  
"Hey. Listen, Camilla, I'm not trying to sound all judgemental or like I'm trying to put you down or whatever, but, I think you should be careful with him. I mean, he's a good kid, but I dunno, just be careful, okay?" My aunt said nervously.  
"Okay, I understand. I'll be careful, promise."

Castiel and Lysander weren't the only guys I'd talk to, I had begun to talk to Nathaniel and Kentin even more. One day, in the library, a little after shcool, I was hanging out with Nathaniel. Castiel was at work, so I couldn't talk to him anyway.  
"I think Amber's jealous of you." Nathaniel said to me. He slid a book back into it's proper place on the shelf.  
"And why would that be so?" I asked him. He shrugged.  
"She had this huge crush on Kentin, and he finally kissed her, and right after, he told her off. But she told me all he would talk about was you." Nathaniel informed me, shelving another book. "I don't blame her. I mean, I'm a little jealous of Castiel. Since he gets to be with you."  
"Nathaniel, you shouldn't be jealous." I told him. He turned to me, his light brown eyes bright.  
"I don't understand why your with him. I hate to sound like some jealous prick, but, really, tell me. Why?" He said to me. I sighed.  
"I don't want to do this right now."  
"I'm being serious, tell me."  
"Fine. There's just something about him, that just gets me. And we have the same type of joking humor where it's okay for us to tease each other. And he makes me feel like safe, like he won't ever let anyone hurt me or he won't hurt me."  
"I can do all that too, though."  
"Please, that's why I didn't want to tell you. Can we just be normal friends?"  
"No. We can't. I'm sorry, Camilla. But, it's too hard watching some other guy that doesn't deserve you make you happy." He ran a nervous hand through his golden hair. "I mean, I'm happy that your happy, but I just wish I could be the one that makes you happy."  
"You _can_ make me happy, just by being my friend." I told him softly. He shook his head. "C'mon, Nathaniel. It wouldn't work between us anyway."  
"Why the hell wouldn't it?" He was frustrated by then. I stood my ground.  
"You and I are completly different. I don't mind getting in trouble; you obey the rules, I could care less about what I learn; you absorb every deatail given in class like a sponge. Your dependable; I'm not. I'm so irresponsable, and I don't think you've ever lost anything in your life."  
"But, you would never know if this _could_ work if you never give me a chance."  
"I'm with Castiel now. It's too late to give you a chance."  
"Fine. But I'm not giving up, ya know."  
"I never asked you to."

After my hanging out with Nathaniel debacle, I walked past my house to Kentin's. He only lived a few houses down and I needed to talk to someone. I, for some reason, found it quite hard to trust Iris. Even though she'd shown that she had good intentions, something about her was off to me. I knocked on Kentin's door and waited while I heard footsteps approach the door. When the door swung open, I was faced with a sweaty, shirtless and shocked Kentin.  
"Um, hey, Camilla. W-What are you doing here?" He asked me. I shrugged.  
"I need to talk to someone. And if you don't mind listening..." I started. He blinked. "Uh, is now an okay time?"  
"Yeah, yeah, this is just odd. For so long I fantasized about you knocking on my front door, and now you actually are." He opened the door wider lettting me into the house. As I stepped inside, I was enveloped in family photos. Mostly of his parents and ancestor's military photos. "Don't mind all the memorabilia."  
"There's a lot of it." I noted to him.  
"Yeah, that's why my dad was so pushy about the whole toughening-me-up thing." Kentin led me to his room. Which was pretty normal, aside from the set of weights in the corner. "Let me put on a shirt real quick." He stepped past me and went to his dresser. I sat down on his bed while he put on a black cotten, tank.  
"I'm having major issues." I told him. He plopped down on the futon on the other side of the room.  
"M'kay...I don't mind listening." He gave me a crooked grin.  
"Nathaniel likes me. A lot." I started. He raised an eyebrow. "And no matter how many times I remind him that I'm with Castiel, he just...likes me even more. I don't want to get Castiel involved, if I can help it. Castiel has no idea that Nathaniel likes me, or that we've been hanging out together when Castiel's at work. And you know what Castiel might think, but I seriously just want to be with Castiel."  
"I hate to break it to you, but you just might _need_ to get Castiel involved with this. But don't do so like you _want_ them to fight or anything. More like just tell Castiel what's been going on. And you might need to lessen the amount of time you spend with Nathaniel." Kentin suggested.  
"But Nathaniel's my friend..." I protested a little.  
"And he's already made it perfectly clear he wants to be more than that. Sooner or later, things might get dangerous for both of you." He informed me.  
"Ugh." I groaned. "I don't like this whole love-triangle thing. It looks so much better on T.V." Kentin laughed a little.  
"T.V exaggerates everything." Kentin reminded me.  
"That reminds me, do you mind telling me what happened between you and Amber?" I asked him teasingly. He blushed a little.  
"Nothing much. I pretended to like her enough so that I could humiliate her, just like she'd done to me numerous times, is all." Kentin said innocently. I rolled my eyes at him.  
"That not nothing. That's a bit of something. Nathaniel was telling me how broken up she is about it."  
"Really? That kind of makes me a bit happier. Now she can know how I used to feel whenever she would treat me like shit for no reason at all."  
"Damn, is revenge truly sweet?"  
"Sweeter than sugar itself. But I don't plan on doing anything else; I don't need to. I did enough to her already."  
"Nathaniel also told me that she's jealous of me."  
"Did he explain why?"  
"He said that she said all you'd talk about was me."  
"That's bullshit. Yeah, I talked about how awesome you are, and how pretty you are, but not all the time. She mostly just wanted to talk about herself anyway."  
"I believe that...but you think I'm pretty?"  
"Yeah, I've had a crush on you since the day I met you. I thought we were past this by now."  
"Why are you able to be all calm about your feelings towards me and Nathaniel can't be?"  
"Maybe because I've had these feelings longer, or maybe he's a gentleman in the streets and a freak between the sheets."  
"Oh, God! Stop talking!" I groaned. Kentin just laughed at my disgust.  
"I couldn't help it. But it is a plausible reason why though."  
"That's disgusting."  
"What if it were true though? I mean everyone has to have their way of release of anger and true emotions."  
"Bleh. Ew. Gross. I don't know why, but I find him to be _too_ good of a guy. Like he's never tardy, never rude, never shouts, never is bad. Not even a little."  
"Are you saying you want a bad boy? Hm. Interesting."  
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"  
"It just means you want a bad boy. Nothing more to it. Maybe you like the danger or the more interesting kind of relationship."  
"Ugh. Why are guys so confusing?"  
"The same reason why girls are as confusing."

I left Kentin's house a few hours after I had talked to him. I liked talking to Kentin. There was no pressure between us, and even though I was aware of his feelings, he wasn't very pushy about it. Plus we had a lot in common. My aunt had come home by the time I entered the house.  
"Hey, Aunt Danni." I said to her with a smile when I closed the front door behind me as I came into the house.  
"Hey, where've you been?" She asked me just as cheerfully.  
"I was down the road at Ken's." I told her as I went into my room to start on my homework. This seemed to be a constant; no matter how complicated my love life became, the homework remained about the same amount of difficultly for me. I finished my homework within an hour and a half and helped my aunt make prepare dinner for us. We ate dinner while watching some lame game show. After dinner I retreated back to my room. I felt worn out, emotionally, and just needed to sleep.

A week went by after my conversation with Kentin before I talked to Nathaniel again. This time though, wasn't very inviting. Nathaniel pulled me out of class, abusing his class presidential powers, to the student council office, to talk to me. I opened the door slowly, knowing what was waiting.  
"Hey. I think we should talk." He said to me quietly as I came into the office and shut the door behind me.  
"You made that evidently clear when you called me out of class." I reminded him. He sighed.  
"You have every right to pissed off with me. And I just want to apologize for my behavior the last time we spoke. I feel really bad about it." Nathaniel said ruefully to me, his golden eyes sad.  
"Yeah, I probably was a huge bitch too." I said sadly. I wasn't sure why I felt bad about fighting with him. He had started it, he'd made the disscussion into an argument in the first place.  
"I deserved it. I shouldn't have been so rude and disrespectful to you about your relationship with Castiel. That's your choice to be with him, and I should repect that."  
"I'm glad you can see it that way now."  
"I don't think you realize how alluring you are, Camilla."  
"Please, don't make things weird again..."  
"I'm not. I'm just simply saying, you have something about you that just attracts guys." He took a small step towards me. I took one back.  
"C'mon, there's probably dozens of girls that would claw out my eyes to get to you. You have something that attracts girls."  
"But not the one I want." He sighed. "I don't want to make things weird. You can go back to class if you'd like." I nodded and left the council room. I didn't need to be in an inclosed space with Nathaniel. I found him to be attractive, but I wasn't attracted _to_ him. There was no spark between us. And there probably would never be.


	8. Tell Me What You Want

Tell Me What You Want

I was falling deeper and deeper in love with Castiel, and that scared me more than anything. I didn't want to love him the way I did, I didn't want him to have the opputunity to hurt me. But I just couldn't stop my feelings. That was the main reason I didn't want him to know about Nathaniel. I didn't want him to think I liked Nathaniel and break up with me. I wanted this whole thing to end, just so I could happily and blissfully continue falling in love with Castiel.  
"Are you okay?" Castiel asked me. We were at my house watching T.V together. My aunt had left a few minutes prior for work. I came back to reality and nodded to him. "You looked worried about something. Tell me what's wrong."  
"Oh, it's nothing. Really." I lied to him. I hated lying to him. But I needed to keep him at bay about things. Ken had said that I should tell Castiel, but I really didn't want to lose him. Castiel didn't look convinced.  
"Babe, c'mon, you can tell me anything." Castiel sounded really concerned about me and what I was hiding. I shook my head.  
"It's just..it's more...nothing." I stammered. He frowned at me.  
"Please don't lie to me." He told me, his tone unreadable. I blinked back tears. "Babe, please, just tell me what is it? Do I have to kick someone's ass?"  
"No, I'm so sorry. I really am. I should have told you sooner. Nathaniel, he.." I drifted off as my sobs made what I was saying incomprehensible. Castiel took me in his arms and comforted me until I calmed down and could tell him everything.  
"It's okay, that's not your fault." He assured me when I'd finished my explaination. He wiped a tear away from my face with him thumb gently. "I'm not mad with you."  
"Promise?" I asked him meekly. He smiled and nodded.  
"I don't think I could ever be mad with you anyway." He admitted to me. "I'll try to talk to him, okay?" And this is where everything went wrong. No matter how I would have told or if I would've told or not, this would have happened anyway. If only somehow, I could have prevented this from ever happening.

The following day at school, I walked to my locker with Castiel, he had a lazy arm around my waist. I could clearly see Nathaniel waiting for me by my locker. I could feel Castiel tense up next to me. I looked at Nathaniel in utter confusion. Then I turned to my left to find Castiel shooting eye daggers at him.  
"Hey, Camilla. Castiel. I see you finally want to act like a boyfriend." Nathaniel snarled at Castiel. My eyes widened.  
"Please, just go." I told him quietly. Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at me.  
"I don't fuckin' think so. I want to be as close as he is to you." Nathaniel grinned at Castiel coldly.  
"_Please, just go._" I repeated a bit more loudly.  
"My feelings would never permit that." He told me easily, as if this was a normal conversation between us.  
"Nathaniel, what do you mean by that?" I asked him as calmly as I could muster. He frowned.  
"You know exactly what I mean. You know _exactly_ how I feel about you." Nathaniel explained, anger rising in his voice a little.  
"And what the hell do you feel?" Castiel growled at him.  
"I love Camilla, motherfucker!" Nathaniel yelled at him. People in the halls were starting to stare at us and were watching us with intent eyes.  
"You son of a bitch!" Before I could smooth things out, Castiel had punched Nathaniel in the jaw. They started fighting, cursing at each other and hitting each other in the face. I screamed at them to stop, that only fueled their fire. A few teachers ran down the hall and plowed through the people to seperate the two. By then, I had started crying. Castiel was the first to realize that I'd been crying. He shot me an apologetic look as he was dragged away to the office.

They were both suspeneded for a week for fighting. Before Castiel had to leave the campus, I wanted to apologize. I found Castiel by the courtyard. He eyed me then looked away. He had a brusie forming on his cheek, I gently touched the forming bruise. He winced.  
"Would you like me to leave with you?" I asked him. He blinked and shoved a folder into his bag.  
"You don't have to." He told me flatly. "I'm sorry for fighting him. Just the thought of him ever trying anything with you..." He shook his head. "It's just wrong." I nodded accepting this.  
"I'd like to go with you, if that's okay." I told him. He looked at me and grinned a little.  
"It's okay." He closed his locker and took my hand in his. We walked to the parking lot and to his truck. As usual, he flashed his student ID and we were allowed through the campus gate. He drove to what I assumed to be his house, since he had a key. I had never been to his house before, we'd always gone somewhere else, or to my house. His house looked pretty nice, considering only an eighteen-year-old guy stayed there and took care of the place. He unlocked the front door and let me in first. Upon entering, a dog ran up to me and started barking loudly. "Demon, calm down." He ordered the dog. The dog quieted and sat down, wagging his tail.  
"His name's Demon?" I kneeled down and patted the dog on the head. He didn't freak out or start barking again, but rather he laid down and let me rub his belly. Castiel disappeared somewhere while I continued playing with Demon. Demon was a pretty big dog, but was really sweet.  
"He seems to really like you." Castiel noted as he came back into the living room where I and Demon had been. Demon sat up abruptly and followed Castiel to the couch. I stood and sat next to Castiel. "Thanks for coming with me."  
"It was nothing. I didn't want you to be upset or anything." I said to him, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. He leaned forward and kissed me. In his kiss, I could feel everything he wanted to tell me. His warmth enveloped me, his scent of cigarettes and soap was like a drug to me. The way his hands slid over my waist and back, I could feel...love. So much that it overwhelmed me a little. I broke away from him a little and gazed deeply into his gray eyes. "I-I love you." I told him.  
"I love you, too." He told me softly. I could feel that he was scared to admit this to me, almost as much as I had been to admit it to him. Our lips met again, this time more passionatly. I hated to have to break away from him, but Demon was licking my leg and it was tickling me a little. I giggled as I looked down at Demon, who just looked up at me innocently.  
"Um, Demon, I can't really return the favor." I turned and petted Demon until he stood on all fours and walked away.  
"What time is it?" Castiel looked over his shoulder to a grand clock. "Do you want to go out for something to eat?"  
"We can. You still owe me lunch." I teased him. He smiled and stood from the couch. He offered me his hand and helped me up from the couch.  
"Your choice; where do you wanna go?" He asked me, pulling me close to him. I couldn't help but smile up at him.  
"Let's get Subway, then eat in the park." I told him. He smiled.  
"Okay, that's the plan then." He slid his hand into mine. "Let me just refill Demon's bowl real quick and we can go." I waited and watched as he fed Demon. It was adorable, the amount of affection he showed to Demon. He came back over to me and we left the house and got back into his truck.  
"Your the only child, right?" I asked him as he started the truck, he stiffened a little and backed out of the driveway.  
"Yeah, but I wasn't always." He took a deep breath. "I used to have an older sister. She committed suicide a few years ago."  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." I felt bad for reminding him of his dead older sister.  
"It's okay. I'm over it." He lied. He wasn't and I could tell he wasn't. When he pulled into Subway, I didn't get out and he didn't move. I touched his face lightly.  
"You can tell me anything." I whispered to him. He averted my gaze.  
"Camilla, I'm fine, really." He protested and even gave me a fake smile. I got out the truck and closed the door behind me. I met him at the front of the truck and we walked inside Subway together. We ordered out sandwhichs to go and got back inside the truck. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Probably Iris or someone else. I ignored it and tried to make Castiel happy again. The whole ride over to the park, my phone kept vibrating, even after my voicemail had answered four or five times. I doubted that it was my aunt, she wouldn't be home until seven or eight that night. Whoever it was, must've really wanted to speak with me.

"Why do you keep making faces?" Castiel asked me grinning at me.  
"I wanted to see you smile." I told him. I kissed his cheek. "Mission accomplished." He rolled his eyes playfully. We were sitting on the grass across from the empty basketball court. School wasn't out yet so there were very few people in the park. We had both finished eating our subs and were just talking.  
"Your adorable." He told me. I flushed and punched him in the arm. "Ow, what the hell? Should I _not_ compliment you?" He asked me teasingly.  
"No, it was a nervous reaction. I didn't know what to say, so I punched you. I'm sorry." I told him, trying to surpress a smile from spreading across my lips.  
"Your lying to me." He challenged playfully.  
"Me? Why, never." I argued back just as playfully. He playfully tackled me and pinned my shoulders to the ground. I began laughing.  
"Your lying again." He smiled, flashing all of his teeth to me. I shook my head. He laughed, while he was distracted, I flipped him over onto his back and pinned him down.  
"Ha! Your wrong." I said victorious. It didn't take much for him to get me on my back again. "Dammit!" I said under him. He started to tickle me and I began giggling and squirming, trying to get free. He finally stopped tickling me. Our eyes met and he leaned down and connected our mouths. He had my hands pinned down away from me, so I couldn't wrap my arms around him. I felt his tongue sliding against mine, fighting for dominance. I let him win and he controlled the kiss. He released his grip on my hands and let his hands roam down to my waist. My skin anticipated his touch and tingled wildly at it. At that moment, I wished that we weren't in such a public place. He broke away from me.  
"C'mon, let's get out of here." He said to me gruffly. He got off of me and helped me up. We strolled back over to the truck. Every so often, he'd pull me back to him and would kiss me slowly. We drove back to his house. Demon greeted us both happily upon our entering. Castiel and I went back into the living room and started watching an action movie about some people stealing from some rich guy. A few times, I caught Castiel watching me, his eyes full of something I couldn't indentify right then. Only after the movie had ended had I realized what it was in his eyes; deep, heartfelt compassion for me. It amazed me how anyone could think of me the way Castiel seemed to think of me. About four in the afternoon, I stood from my seat nestled against Castiel on the couch. "Aw, babe, sit back down, I liked your body heat." He whined to me with a smile. I sat down on his lap, his eyes watching me and leveled with mine.  
"My aunt'll be home soon." I said to him. He sighed.  
"I don't want you to go yet." He whispered to me right before he kissed my neck lightly. My breath hitched as he bit my neck gently.  
"Castiel..." I breathed. "You know what she'll think if I'm not home before her." I reminded him. I felt him sigh.  
"Okay, if we go now, can I get a few extra minutes with you then?" He asked me a bit flirtatiously. I nodded to him.  
"Yeah." I told him. He met my eyes and I slid off of him. He stood from the couch. He turned off the T.V and squeezed my hips. I squealed. A few minutes later, we were a street away from my house. As he drove into the driveway, I felt my stomach clench at a sickening thought. _Something's not right_. I could feel it.  
"You okay?" He asked me. My face went pale, but I nodded to him anyway.  
"Yeah, just a bit nausous." I told him like it was no big deal.  
"I'll walk you to your door." He got out and opened my door for me. When I slid out the truck, he took my hand in his and made sure I didn't fall over. "You look really sick, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"  
"I should probably just lie down. But I promised you your extra few minutes." I reminded him. He didn't smile or anything.  
"We can rain check it. I want you to feel better, okay?" He leaned down and kissed me quickly. I frowned.  
"I feel fine though." I lied to him. He blinked, his expression full of worry.  
"No, you don't. Give me your key." He demanded. I handed him my key. He unlocked the front door and picked me up newlywed style and carried me into the house. He shut the front door behind him and carried me to my room and carefully laid me down on my bed. I smiled up at him.  
"I'm _fine_, really." I protested as he started to tuck me in under my covers.  
"If you say so, Camilla." Castiel leaned down and kissed me softly on my lips. "I hope you feel better. I love you." He whispered to me.  
"I love you too." I whispered back. He grinned and left my room. I heard the front door close behind him a few moments later. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, but something kept nudging me, keeping me awake. I shoved whatever it was away and drifted slowly off to sleep.

"Camilla! Camilla! Get your ass up!" Aunt Danni screamed at me. I heard her voice at the corner of my consiousness. I awoke with a start. Her face was all red, her eyes puffy, like she'd been crying, and she was shaking. I blinked a few times and rubbed at my eyes, my own panic level spiking.  
"Wha? What's wrong?" I asked her, still half asleep. She broke down at started crying. She pulled me into the living room. The television was on, but it appeared to be paused. On the screen was a plane crashed into a field. I stared at it, it looked horrendous. Then a thought crossed my mind; _Mom, Dad_. They had been flying up to come visit me and see how I was doing. My aunt resumed the news, which stated that the plane had been heading for Aftermathica when it was hijacked and crashed into Kansas, exploding minutes after. I didn't feel the tears running down my cheeks. Actually, I don't think there were any. I had never really known my parents. They were always doing something else. Too busy to play, to worried to care. My aunt, on the other hand, was an absolute mess. Her and my mom were the bestest friends two sisters could be.  
"I can't believe she's gone." Aunt Danni mumbled to me sadly. Her speaking snapped me back to the reality that surrounded my life. I turned to her and patted her back. I let her cry for however long she winded up crying. I had seen plently plane crashes on the news before. None ever really affected me. Almost like this one. I know I sound like a horrible and ungrateful child. I did have a home, clothes on my back, food in my stomach, a bed to sleep in, but I didn't really feel I had love from my parents. What's life without love? They did seem really proud when I did things wrong, and were just a furious and disappointed when I did something wrong. And as the years went on, they stopped caring, claiming I was old enough to know right from wrong. And I was, but of course I always chose wrong, hoping for some sort of attention from them. It never came. Their death meant as much to me as a bug's on the ground. That sound hateful to say, now I didn't hate my parents, I just never felt like I could love them though.  
"It'll be okay, Auntie." I called her the nickname I'd given her when I was little. She smiled up at me through her tears. I smiled back. My aunt cried herself to sleep. It didn't take long. When she'd fallen asleep, I stood from the couch and left the house. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be in Sweet Amoris. I just needed to go someplace. Someplace where I was just some girl. So I started walking. And kept walking till I reached Sweet Amoris' city limits and kept walking. I walked to the air port and stood in the middle of the crowds. People passed by me. Continuing on with their lives. Breathing, living, laughing. I stood firmly in the crowd, recieving a few angry glares, which I wasn't afraid to return.  
"Hey, um, can I help you?" It was some airport security guy. He looked about mid-thirties and had dark brown hair. I looked at him, no emotion filling my veins.  
"I don't think so." I told him flatly. The worried look on his face disappeared.  
"So why are you here then? You've been standing in this spot for almost an hour." He asked me. I shrugged.  
"My parents were supposed to land here. I'm waiting on them." I told him. I knew somehow in my heart that they were gone, but I didn't want to face that fact quite yet. The man's face filled with sadness.  
"When were they supposed to be here?" He asked me quietly. I checked my phone. It was eight forty three.  
"About an hour ago." I told him.  
"And where were they coming from?"  
"Florida."  
"Sweetheart, I don't think they'll be landing her today. Or any day at all. Have you seen the news?" He asked me reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder. I jerked back from him.  
"What are you saying?" I needed to hear it. I neeed to know that what had happened earlier was real. "Was their flight delayed or something?" He proceeded to tell me what I already knew. The words sinking in more than they had before. I blinked back tears and calmed myself down.  
"Do you need a ride back home?" He asked me. I shook my head.  
"No, thank you." I told him weakly. He eyes me sadly. I turned away from him. I hunched my shoulders and stormed out of the buildling. I didn't cry. I wasn't angry. I wasn't all that upset. I didn't want to feel anything, and that's exactly what I was feeling.

It had been about a week since my parents' deaths. I didn't even bother going to school. The people I wanted to deal with, came over to talk to me. Mostly Kentin and Castiel. Lysander came over once and so did Iris. I watched thier bodies being lowered into the ground. The crowd comepletly silent. Aunt Danni and I had flown down to Florida for their funeral. I didn't really listen to the progression, I couldn't find the energy to concentrate on doing so. After the funeral, family that I'd forgotten that I had gave me thier blessing and best wishes. I returned to the hotel with my aunt. Neither of us spoke much to each other. What could we possibly say to each other? She was the one who pressed for them to visit, when I couldn't give two fucks if they did or didn't. She didn't blame herself, she simply said that 'It was their time, I suppose". I didn't blame myself, I couldn't find one way how it could have been. Other than if I would've never been born in the first place...  
"How's Florida?" Kentin asked me over the phone line. It was right before I was about to go to sleep, there was a two hour time difference so it wasn't that hard to schedule calls. I sighed.  
"Doesn't feel the same. Enough about me. How are you?" I asked him as brightly as I could be. I didn't call Castiel, because I didn't want to feel, and I couldn't help _but_ feel when I talked to him or heard him talk.  
"I've only asked one question about you. C'mon, sooner or later your going to have to confront how you feel." Kentin told me firmly. I bit my bottom lip.  
"I'd rather not. Or at least not now." I told him softly.  
"Okay then. Well, I'm okay here, thanks for asking. Have you talked to anyone since you left?" Kentin asked me, his voice taking on a friendlier tone.  
"Not really. I don't want to hear thier pity." I told him.  
"What makes you think that _I_ don't pity you?"  
"You've kind of made it evident that you don't. First off, you have yet to force me to talk about my parents and my feelings, second, your willing to stay on the phone with me as long as I need you to."  
"I sound like a kickass friend the way you described me."  
"You _are_ a kickass friend."  
"Aw, I'm touched. But you should at least call Castiel. He's worried sick, like you have no idea how on edge he is."  
"I just _can't_ call him. I'll talk to him when I get home."  
"I hope you get home soon. He's already flipped out on Amber for talking shit. And he's been even angrier than he'd been before he met you."  
"...Kentin, can I tell you something?"  
"Anything."  
"I'm scared." I felt my eyes well with tears. "I don't want to deal with any of this anymore. I don't want to feel, I don't want to exist, I just want to disappear."  
"Camilla, don't say things like that. I'd miss you if your wish came true. At the end of this, you'll feel a lot better. I promise. Okay?" I stayed on the phone with Kentin until it was past midnight and both of us needed to go to sleep. Maybe my parents' death wasn't just affecting the people I loved, but me too. I hated to think that the one time I really needed them, they were nowhere to be found.


	9. You Can't Possibly Be Okay

You Can't Possibly Be Okay

Upon my return to Sweet Amoris, I had Kentin come over so he could pep me up for my talk with Castiel. I honestly didn't want Castiel to think that I didn't love him anymore, I did, with all of my heart, I just couldn't allow myself to feel.  
"He can't _hate_ you, he's insanely crazy about you." Kentin reminded me. He was sprawled across my bed as I put away my clothes from my suitcase that I'd taken with me to Florida.  
"And how do you know this?" I asked him. I folded a dark purple shirt of mine and put it into my shirt drawer. He scoffed.  
"It's obvious. Anytime he talks about you, his face just lights up. And when Amber was talking about you, I'd never seen him more pissed off before." Kentin sighed. "You really have nothing to lose"  
"I dunno. I don't want him to think that I was avoiding him."  
"But you _were _technically doing that, weren't you?"  
"You know what I mean."  
"I was kidding. I understand. When are you going to talk to him?"  
"In about an hour, hopefully, he's home."  
"Wait, your going to his _house_? I don't like this. Nevermind, maybe you don't need to talk to him again." Kentin backtracked hurridly. I turned to him and rolled my eyes at him.  
"Relax. It's not going to be anything bad. I've been there before, and I don't want to have this whole emotional talk with him in public." I assured him.  
"If you say so, Camilla. Please be careful." Kentin got up from my bed. "I'll leave you to your 'emotional talk' then." He embraced me tightly and left my house. When I heard the front door close, and was sure that he was gone, I mentally phyched myself up to face my inner and emotional demons.

I was on Castiel's doorstep less than twenty minutes later. I stood there in front of the door, comtemplating if I should knock or just go. I braced myself and rapped on the door a few times. I heard Demon begin to bark. I waited, but found myself wanting to run away from there. The door opened to a tired, pale and almost sad looking Castiel His face brightened the moment he saw me. He embraced me before I could even say hello or anything.  
"Camilla." The sound of my name on his tongue showed me why it had been a good idea to not run away. He kissed me deeply and passionatly. His hands in my hair, mine around him. We broke apart and he led me inside. Demon didn't bark at me, instead he just wagged his tail and went about his business. "I'm really sorry about your-" I closed the distance between our mouths.  
"I don't want to talk about that. Besides, I still owe you your extra few minutes." I told him flirtatiously. He got my hint and didn't say much else. We kissed over and over. I pressed him into a wall and bit his neck, a low groan leaving his lips. I grinned and bit him again, making sure I'd leave a mark that'd appear tomorrow. Somehow, between us pressing each other into various walls, we fell on his bed. I was atop of Castiel and felt in control of what was going on. I let my hands roam up his shirt and lifted it off of him. He cautiously let his hands slide under my shirt. His fingertips were warm across my stomach as he took my shirt off of me. Soon, there was no fabric seperating us from each other. Our skin mingled and touched and our hands explored where our minds had gone for so long. I felt him slowly slide into me. The rythm shared between us was something beyond words. I could feel his heartbeat, it was beating as wildly as mine felt like it was. As the pleasure between us came to an end, we both fell into each other. He wrapped his arms around me and I smiled meekly up at him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. This kiss felt different from all the others. It was deep, and held so much meaning. His hair tickled my cheeks and his arms around me made me feel safe. I felt my eyes begin to droop and fell asleep moments after.

I didn't want to leave Castiel's house. All that waited for me was my greiving aunt, and I didn't want to return back to the true and harsh reality that was my life just yet. I opened my eyes to find Castiel still asleep. With his eyes closed and his face peaceful, he was absolutly angelic. His mouth was slightly open, and his chest rose and fell slowly. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him. He stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He smiled at me and closed his eyes again.  
"Hey." He said to me. I felt myself flush. "Were you watching me sleep?"  
"No, well, kind of, yeah." I stammered. He chuckled and kissed me.  
"I understand." He said against my lips. "Your really cute when you sleep."  
"We both sound like stalkers." I joked to him. He grinned down at me. I felt woozy from the amount of love I saw in his deep gray eyes. He touched my cheek fondly. My skin prickled a little at his touch.  
"I love you, Camilla." Castiel told me. My heart wrenched in my chest knowing how much he truly meant it.  
"I love you too, Castiel." I hoped he could hear how much I meant it. I loved him with my whole heart and then some. We kissed once more and I broke away from his arms. "I hate to say this, but I should go." I slid out of bed and proceeded to put back on my underwear and jeans. I looked over my shoulder coyly to find Castiel watching me and smiling goofily. "What?" I asked him teasingly.  
"You're absolutly beautiful." He told me seriously as he met my eyes. I felt myself flush and I put my bra back on. I slipped my shirt back and turned back to Castiel. I tugged on his arm.  
"C'mon, aren't you walking me home?" I whined to him. He raised an eyebrow. "Castiel..." I petened to pout.  
"You want me to _walk _you home? That's a thirty minute walk, ya know." He said giving me a quick peck on the cheek.  
"I know, but I'd like to walk instead." I tugged again on his arm. "Get dressed, please?"  
"Okay." He smirked and got out of bed. I waited across the room as he put his clothes back on. I couldn't help but be facinated by all the posters lining Castiel's walls. "Ready?" I nodded. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

No one was home when me and Castiel finally reached my house. Once at my door though, he squeezed my hand. I beamed up at him.  
"So, um, bye?" I said to him a bit sheepishly. He flushed and kissed the tip of my nose, then my lips.  
"Bye, Camilla." He said to me against my lips. I was probably beet red by then and I could tell by the expression on his face. "I love you."  
"I love you too." I leaned up to kiss him one last time. I watched him walk away from me until he was too far out of my sight to see anymore. I giddily went inside and took a shower. I couldn't sit still, I was so giddy and happy. I wanted to talk to someone, but who? I didn't want to talk to Kentin, mostly because he was a guy. I mean, me and him had become really close friends, and I still was aware of his feelings for me, but I didn't want to mess that up by telling him about my love life with Castiel. I eventually settled on lying in bed thinking. I heard a car screech outside my bedroom window. I heard a scream, but I was so content on my dreaming of Castiel, it never even interupted my thoughts. The thought of what was shared between us only mere hours before, made me giddy all over again. My aunt came home to find me on my bed staring up at the ceiling.  
"Hey, do you know what happened? There's an ambulance and polic cars all down the street." Aunt Danni asked me, her hair looked perfectly messy.  
"No, but your hair looks amazing." I told her with a smile.  
"Well, looks like someone's in a good mood, what would be bringing on this?" She came and sat at the edge of my bed. I sat up and ruffled my hair just a little. "Did you and Castiel go out or something.?"  
"Yeah, it was really nice. He walked me home too, agh! It was just amazing."  
"Sounds amazing. I'm glad he can make you this happy, Camilla." My aunt said cheerfully. "You really deserve it."  
"I thought you wanted me to be careful around him." I reminded her a bit jokingly. She shrugged.  
"Eh, my opinions of people vary based upon their actions, and Castiel's yet to give me a reason to be wary of him. But just remember, your heart's gonna break sooner or later, but it's up to you to pick up the pieces." She stood and kissed my forehead. "Dinner'll be done soon, okay?"

Dinner with my aunt was never tense, not even that time that Castiel had come over to make sure that I was okay. We could talk about fashion, our personal thoughts and everything under the sun, without it ever becoming awkward. After dinner, I stayed in the living room with my aunt watching the news. The weather woman came on the television, making me laugh.  
"Why does she look so surprised? Doesn't she already know the weather?" I joked to my aunt who laughed too.  
"Her eyebrows don't even move! Her makeup artist should be fired." Aunt Danni agreed. The lady kept on talking about scattered showers later on this week.  
"What if that's not makeup, and those are her natural eyebrows?"  
"I feel sorry for her then." We both burst into a fit of laughter as the anchors came back onto the screen.  
"...Earlier today, a young teen was hit by a drunk driver near Elm Street. The driver has been arrested and charges are being pressed. The young teen is a student at Sweet Amoris and his name is not being released right now. We hope that he is fine and is recovering alright." The lady droned on about other news I didn't give a shit about. Elm Street. Elm Street. My aunt and I lived on Elm Street. Today, shortly after Castiel walked away from our house, I had heard a car screech and a scream. _No, no, that's just a coincidence. It can't be Castiel._ I assured myself. But for some reason, even my own assurence wasn't working.

The next day, I walked to school, like normal. The end of the street, where the accident or whatever had happened the day had been, things looked pretty ordinary. There were a few skid marks on the road, but I figured that those would go away with time. As I walked onto campus, I could feel eyes watching me. I could hear the whispers, so close and loud it was like they were my own thoughts. The looks I was recieving were full of empathy and pity. I knew some people had found out about my parents, but why were they still all empathetic? I was over it, why weren't they? I slid into my seat in my biology class like nothing was wrong. Kentin came and pulled me out into the hallway before class started.  
"You're handling yourself quite well." Kentin remarked to me. I raised an eyebrow and looked around. People were staring. Thier gazes burning holes in my skin. I returned my attention back to Kentin.  
"Um, I'm over my parents' deaths if that's why your asking." I told him.  
"I'm not talking about that. Do you seriously not know?" He asked me.  
"I obviously don't, you might as well tell me." I said a bit curtly.  
"Castiel was hit by a drunk driver yesterday." Kentin didn't even try beating around the bush. In that moment, I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I could feel the doubt that had embedded itself under my skin surface. I could smell Kentin's soap and laundry detergent drifting off of his clothes. And even with this tragic news, I just started laughing.  
"That's a cruel joke, Kentin. But what seriously happened?"  
"I_ am _being serious. That wasn't a joke. He's was admitted into the Sweet Amoris General hospital yesterday and has been in a comma since this morning." He explained slower. I nodded and the laughs turned into sobs. It was my fault. If I would have just let Castiel _drive_ me home, he wouldn't have been hit and wouldn't have been in a comma. Kentin hugged me tightly and I cried against him. The bell rung and I broke away from him and wiped at my eyes angrily. How could I cry about this? In the halls, giving the people that'd been watching exactly what they wanted to see. "I can walk you to the guidance office if you'd rather not go to class."  
"No, I'll go to class." I told him, trying to brighten a little. We went back into class. I didn't drop another tear, I didn't sniffle. I simply smiled and paid attention in class. I tried to make myself as numb as I possibly could about the situation. We were doing an observation on bacteriaum. The whole class had started growing our own bacteriaum the class before. Armin was a but more chatty that day in the lab than he'd been before to me.  
"You look really nice today." Armin said to me. I looked down at my over-sized band t-shirt and shredded jeans. I shrugged.  
"Thanks." I told him quietly. His bright blue eyes met mine for a flinting second. "Um, are they supposed to be that gross looking?"  
"Yeah, it's bacteriaum, their always gross looking." Armin wrote something on his lab report and looked back to the bacteria. "I understand if you don't want to work or anything, I'll let you copy my report."  
"No, we're partners, so I'll do my share. Thank you though." I protested. He nodded and we continued working in almost complete silence. When class ended, Kentin was right by my side again.  
"Hey, you okay?" He asked me. We walked over to my locker. I opened it and gave him a bright smile.  
"Yep, I'm as fine as a girl who's boyriend that she's crzay about's in the hospital can be." I told him. He sighed.  
"You can be real with me. I know your upset." Kentin shoved his hands into his back jeans pockets  
"I'd rather not show how upset I am. Emotions are a weakness."  
"I don't nessesarily agree with that. You have to let out how you feel somehow. It's dangerous to keep them bottled up."  
"But what do I get for letting them out? Nothing, people just use them to their advantage."  
"Stop thinking like that." Kentin took me by my shoulders. "C'mon." He led me down the hallway and to the staircase. Then into an empty classroom. "Camilla, you know I don't like seeing you upset. And you know that I don't particularly like Castiel, but you need to go see him."  
"I'm okay, alright? I don't want to talk about this."  
"You can't possibly be fucking okay! Your parents died less than a week ago, and your boyfriend was hit by a car yesterday. And your telling me that you're absolutly fucking okay?"  
"Yes." I said weakly, my voice cracking with the welling of tears in my eyes.  
"Camilla, I just want you to feel better, but you can't do that until you come to terms with how shitty you feel now." Kentin's tone softened. "Leave, right now. And go see him." I hugged Kentin and left the classroom. I had to sneak out of school since I had no business leaving campus early. Once off campus, I started walking to Sweet Amoris General.

"I'm here to see Castiel Evergreen." I told the nurse behind the central circle that must've been the directory in the hospital. The place reeked of medicine, piss and cleaning supplies. The lady eyed me before typing in Castiel's name and telling me where to find his room.  
"Room six hundred sixty-five. That's on the next floor and to the right." The lady told me, her tone flat and emotionless. I thanked her and followed her directions to his room. I stood outside the door and tried to convince myself that this was a good idea to do. I knocked on the door and another nurse opened it for me. She gave me a suspicious look.  
"Who're you?" She asked me bitterly.  
"I'm Camilla. Castiel's girlfriend." I told her. She smirked coldly and let me in. I walked down the short hallway that expanded into the hospital room. Castiel was in bed staring at a television remote and pressing buttons on it. His head was bandaged and there were cuts on his arms and face. "Hey, you feeling okay?" I asked him. He looked up at me, confusion covering his face.  
"I'm feeling fine, thanks for asking." He said to me, still confused sounding. I sat on the end of his bed and smiled at him. "Um..."  
"Oh! Am I not supposed to sit there?" I stood abruptly and then chose to sit in the chair next to his bed.  
"No, it's not that, it's just that I have no idea who you are."


	10. Time Wasted Away

Time Wasted Away

"W-What do you mean you have no idea who I am?" I asked him despair coating my voice. Castiel gave me a sad look and shrugged.  
"I have no idea who you are, I'm sorry." Castiel shifted uncomfortably under the covers of the hospital bed.  
"I'm Camilla, your girlfriend, you love me. You told me that!" I cried out feeling tears falling down my cheeks. He eyed me like I'd lost my mind.  
"I'm sorry, Camilla. Please, calm down." He told me gently. I shook my head.  
"No! Your telling me you don't remember who I am? At all?" I screamed at him. He sighed and took a deep breath.  
"All I know is your name, and that's because you judt told me that. Your being my girlfriend, I don't remember."  
"You don't even remember why you were walking on that street? You had been walking me home. This is all my fault." I felt hysterical, and the tears just kept running down my cheeks. "I should have just let you drive me home."  
"Um, I'm sorry to say this, but I think you should just go." He told me, no sincerity in his voice at all. I looked up into his gray eyes. No love was there, none at all. I was a stranger to him. The same person that only a day ago, I'd given everything I could to. I wiped at my eyes and left his room. I passed by Carrie and Elliot on my way out. I didn't even acknowledge them. I didn't need to.

By the time I had found myself back home, school was out. I didn't remember the walk from the hospital to my home. But I remembered Castiel's cold words clearly. The words repeating in my head, stinging even more than the last. _I think you should just go._ I must've looked horrible because when I walked through the door both Kentin and my aunt's eyes widened in suprise.  
"Oh my God, Camilla, are you okay?" Aunt Danni sprang to her feet and embraced me. I didn't move. I closed my eyes and nodded. "What happened? Ken told me you went to see Castiel."  
"I did go see him." I told her. I could see the sadness in Kentin's eyes as he watched and waited for me to explain further. "He's doing better."  
"Then why does it look like you were crying?" My aunt pressed worridly. I blinked back tears as his last words returned to my head. _I think you should just go. _  
"H-H-He, doesn't remember me." I said softly. Aunt Danni hugged me again.  
"Camilla, I'm so sorry." She gave me a meek smile and broke away from me. "Do you want anything to eat?" I shook my head. I went to my room and sat on my bed. How could he go from loving me to being so cold so fast? Just when I was finally allowing someone in...  
"Hey." Kentin's voice brought me back to reality. I looked up to him.  
"Hey." I said back. My voice sounded ragged, even to me. He came and sat down next to me.  
"I really don't know what to say here. I want to call him a jackass and a useless piece of shit, but he was nothing but good to you. What do you want me to say? Help me out here." Kentin said to me. I looked up into his deep green eyes. I felt the tears welling in my eyes and I clung to him like he was a life line. I felt him wrap his arms around me comfortingly. I cried for a while, and eventually fell asleep in his arms. The look of Castiel's eyes filling my nightmares.

I awoke a few hours later, still in Kentin's arms. I was surprised that he'd stayed there. I looked up at him and his eyes flickered meeting mine. I blinked and wiped at my eyes.  
"Thanks." I told him quietly. Kentin half-smiled.  
"No problem." He told me. I realized that I was still holding onto him and I let him go. It was still surreal to think that the one person I had loved so much, didn't love me anymore, didn't even remember ever loving me. Kentin touched my arm gently. "You want to talk?" I shrugged.  
"There's not much to say." I told him. I could feel the sadness and despair filling my mind and judgement. _This is what you get for letting someone love and care about you! He promised that he'd never hurt you, and just like everyone else, he broke his promise! People are all the same, Camilla! You should know this by now! _My thoughts were all angry and depressing.  
"Do you want ice cream? I know my mom eats ice cream when she's upset." Kentin asked me. I shrugged. "Chocolate? That helps too right?" I shrugged again. He stood and held his hand out to me. "C'mon, we're going to the store." Reluctantly, I took his hand and let him take me to the store. About fifteen minutes later, I was on the freezer aisle with Kentin, trying to decide on what ice cream flavor to get. I already was holding chocolate syrup, chocolate chips, three chocolate bars and whipped cream.  
"I think we have enough chocolate." I said to Kentin. He looked at me over his shoulder with a grin.  
"There's never a such thing as enough chocolate." He looked back to the containers of ice cream. "Now, do you want Chocolate Mudslide, Peanut Butter and Chocolate Surprise or plain Chocolate?"  
"Can we get vanilla? There's too much chocolate going on here." I said feeling a small smile spread across my face.  
"Chocolate Mudslide it is then!" He opened the freezer door and took out a brown container with a picture of a chocolate filled bowl on it out. "Maybe we should have gotten a basket." He said looking at my arms full of sweet and sugary toppings. "Here, let me take that." He took the choclate chips from me and the whipped cream. We walked to the register at the front of the store. We set everything down on the black convyer belt in front of the cashier. She eyed everything and then looked to us.  
"Having a chocolate party?" She joked to us. Kentin nodded.  
"Yep, she wanted vanilla, but psssh, chocolate's better." Kentin joked back. I stiffled a laugh at how silly he sounded. The girl rung us up and Kentin paid for our chocolate party supplies. He handed me two of the bags and he took the other two. "I spy a smile." He said teasingly.  
"Your ridiculous." I told him. I couldn't deny that I did feel a little better.

"What's all this?" Aunt Danni asked when me and Kentin came back home and had put all of our chocolate goodies on the dining room table.  
"I'm cheering up Camilla." Kentin told her. She looked at me and I shrugged.  
"Okay..." Aunt Danni said. "I'll get the bowls and spoons then." She went into the kitchen and I could hear the sound of glass clinking together as she got the bowls from the cabinet. She returned with three bowls and three spoons.  
"Ah, your joining us, I see." Kentin said with a grin to my aunt. She chuckled in return.  
"I can't help it, I love chocolate." She said. Kentin eyed me with a grin.  
"Told you, chocolate makes everything better." He said to me. I smiled and opened the ice cream. It was brown. Chocolate chips and ribbons of chocolate swirled around the ice cream. It looked inviting. I scooped some out with my spoon and into my bowl. I topped it just with whipped cream. Kentin, on the other hand, had more chocolate than me, and he was happier than me already. After we'd all filled our bowls with ice cream and chocolate toppings, we each teased each other, told stories about snack-time gone wrong, and just laughed. The thought of Castiel had never even once crossed my mind when I was eating ice cream with Kentin and my aunt.

"I'll help you with that." Kentin said to my aunt as she gathered our bowls. He took the bowls and spoons from her and went into the kitchen. I closed the ice cream and the whipped cream. My aunt and I took all the remnints of our chocolate party supplies into the kitchen and put them away.  
"Thank you so much, Kentin." Aunt Danni said to him. He'd been rinsing out the bowls. He turned to look at her and flashed her a grin.  
"No problem. I should probably go now, thanks for having me over." He said to my aunt. He came over to me and gave me a small hug. "I hope you feel better."  
"I do, thanks." I told him, feeling my aunt's eyes on us. Kentin waved goodbye and left. "I'm going to go take a shower." I left before she could say anything else. After everything, I still found some way to feel a bit upset with how things turned out. I knew Kentin wanted me to be happy, and I wanted to be happy too, but broken hearts need time to heal.

It was hard to wake up and want to go to school for the rest of that week. But I did. People were geuinely nicer to me. Amber even invited me to a sleepover at her house. I declined, not just because of her, but because I was still avoiding Nathaniel. Kentin was like a comforting blanket, there whenever I needed him to be. The teachers kind of understood my needing to leave and be alone. Facing two traumatic events in the span of two weeks was brutal.  
"Camilla!" Armin gasped as I accidently overflowed the test tube with boiling hot water, drowning our specimen. I returned back to earth and stopped pouring.  
"I'm so sorry!" I said setting the test tube back on the rack. I grabbed some paper towels and started to wipe up the excess water coating the lab table.  
"It's fine. We have more specimen. I'll go get some." Armin left the lab station and went to the back of the lab to get the specimen. I cleaned out the ruined test tube with soap and water. Li came over to me.  
"Hey, I'll help you out." She prepared another test tube for our retrial. "You zoned out while Armin was writing some of the results."  
"Thanks, I keep zoming out. I need to stay focused." I mentally screamed at myself for letting my thoughts prevent me from actually taking part in my surroundings.  
"We all understand. Armin's not pissed or anything." She assured me.  
"Yeah, but we're partners, and I can't help but feel like I'm dragging him down." I told her. She shrugged.  
"I pretty sure your not." The mess was all cleaned up and Li went back to her station. Armin came back over with another container of specimen.  
"Let's try not to drown these, okay?" He said a bit jokingly. It was odd how he was okay about every experiment I found a way to mess it up.  
"Okay, maybe you should pour the water this time." I suggested. He nodded and began pouring in just enough water while I observed what happened. The specimen didn't seem affected by the water at first, but as time pass, a few went under and didn't come back up. "I geuss they got tired of swimming."  
"Either that or the temperature of the water got to them." Armin noted that on his lab report. The bell rang and people began franctically cleaning up their labs. The teacher came over to me and Armin.  
"I'll give you two a pass to your next class so you can finish this up." Me and Armin nodded and thanked the teacher. We continued our experiment well into the next class. When we were finally done, Armin and I had gotten out stuff and walked into the then empty hallway. Everyone was in class already, the only sounds were our footsteps on the tiled floor.  
"Um, sorry again about the experiment." I told him quietly. He shrugged.  
"It's fine, really. I'll see you tomorrow." Armin turned in the opposite direction and went to his class. I continued on my way to my own class. I walked into the classroom and all eyes turned to me. I sheepishly handed the teacher my pass and went to my seat. There were only a few minutes left in class so I furiously wrote down the notes that covered the board before the bell rang. When the bell did ring, I looked over the board, making sure I didn't miss anything important.  
"Hey, Camilla." Amber said to me sweetly. Over time, everyone had kind of gotten over her shit, so she wasn't that popular anymore. Charlotte though, still hung around with her like a lost puppy.  
"Hey, how are you?" I said absently.  
"I'm having a huge party, and I would like you to come." Amber said to me. I stood from my desk and looked right into her eyes. She was having a party and was inviting me. I shrugged.  
"Thanks, but I dunno if I'll go." I told her. She frowned a little.  
"Pretty please? Everyone else'll be there, and I don't want you to be left out." She pressed. I shrugged again.  
"If I come, I come." She forced an piece of paper with information towards me. I took it and stuck it in my bag. "Thanks. Maybe I'll see you there."  
"I hope I do, your always a bunch of fun!" Amber waved and left the room. Charlotte right on her heels. I rolled my eyes. I still remembered the day that Amber confronted me about Ken, and how she hated me. Then I remembered what Nathanaiel had told me, she was jealous of me. Maybe I would go to this party...

"She invited you too?" Kentin asked me as we were both walking home from school that afternoon. "I thought she hated both of us."  
"I did too, but she claimed that 'I'm a bunch of fun', and I've never had fun with her." I told him.  
"That's odd, I have a bad feeling about this." He shrugged. "Whatever though." We were at the end of my driveway by then. I hugged him and went inside. Aunt Danni wasn't home when I got inside. So I just went straight to doing my homework. I tried hard to not think about anything but the math problems in front of me and tried to focus on the solutions. When my aunt came home, I could tell something was wrong with her.  
"You okay, Auntie?" I asked her kindly. She dropped her head, her hair creating a curtain around her face.  
"Fine, I just need to shower and lie down." Aunt Danni trudged slowly into her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Moments later. I heard her begin to sob. This wasn't uncommon. Since my parents' deaths, she'd go into her room and cry for hours. I was never allowed into her room during these episodes, so I figured she's be over things soon. I went into the kitchen and made dinner. I tried to eat some, but found it difficult to swallow, the sobs in the back of my throat preventing the food from going down. I finally let them out so I could eat something. But the sobs only dissipated my hunger.

Weeks passed, the kindness from my fellow classmates leveled out. Not saying they weren't nice, they were, they just stopped being overly nice. I heard rumors that Castiel had been withdrawn from the school. I didn't quite believe it, but he still hadn't come back to school. I didn't mind that fact, it was still difficult to not cry when I thought about him. _I think you should just go._ Those cold words were like a song that I couldn't get out of my head no matter what.  
"Camilla? Are you listening to me?" Kentin asked a bit impatiently. We were at the clothing store buying stuff to go to Amber's party in. He had a gray t-shirt held up to him. I blinked.  
"Sorry, um, I like that one better than the blue one." I told him. He raised an eyebrow. I had an armful of things that I couldn't decide on. I didn't want to dress like a whore, but I didn't want to be too conservitive.  
"Your all out of it again, are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded. "Don't lie, Camilla." He smiled to me.  
"I should probaby try some of this stuff on..." I went to the dressing rooms in the back of the store. The first few things I tried on made me feel beyond uncomfortable so I didn't even bother showing Kentin. Then I tried on a black sequin tube dress. I stared at myself in the mirror. It wasn't something that I usually would wear, my closet consisted of band t-shirts, skinnies and oversized t-shirts. But this dress made me feel confident. I came out of the dressing room to show Kentin. His green eyes widened when he saw me.  
"Whoa. I like it." He said staring at me. I felt myself flush. I brushed a strand of my hair away from my face.  
"I like it too." I turned. I was definatly getting this dress. I already had a pair of shoes in mind to wear with it. I came back out of the dressing room in my orginal clothes. I didn't even bother trying on anything else I had picked out, since I knew I'd found the perfect thing to wear. Kentin had tried on a few different shirts and some jeans. When he tried on a dark pair of jeans and faded navy blue shirt I couldn't help but notice how hot he loked. "That, get that." I told him.  
"Um, okay then." He was lightly blushing as he went back into the dressing room to get back into his original clothes. After he'd changed, we went to the register to purchase out items. We both left the clothing store, huge grins on our faces. I let Kentin walk me to my front door and embraced him before he left. I walked inside the house to find my aunt grinning at me.  
"He's in love with you isn't he?" Aunt Danni asked me. My face must've screamed shocked because she continued. "And he has been for quite some time now." I blinked and shrugged.  
"I knew that. But, we're just friends." I told her. She smirked.  
"Whatever you say, Camilla. Whatever you say."


	11. Relax, I Got You

Relax, I Got You

The night of Amber's party, Kentin drove his dad's car over to pick me up. My aunt called her good wishes to us from the porch. We waved goodbye to her as Kentin pulled out of the driveway. The whole way there, me and him blasted the radio and sang along to all the songs we knew. I actually felt like that night was going to be a 'bunch of fun'. But no, remember how I said things got worse? That night, might've been one of the worst nights of my life. I still cringe thinking about it. Okay, I'm going to tell it, in all it's cringe-worthy glory.

"Hey! You showed up! And you look amazing!" Amber said opening the door for me and Kentin. She hugged me, smelling of fresh apples. I was starting to associate that smell with anyone who I shouldn't get close to. I pulled away from her and went inside to the party. The place was full of buzzed people, some on the couch making out, others in the kitchen tyring to get buzzed and dancing figures everywhere. I was overwhelmed at first, but felt Kentin right behind me, making everything okay. Amber pulled him away and started dancing on him. He gave me a panicked and confused look. I gave him a thumbs up and went to the kitchen. I poured myself a red plastic-cupful amount of what I suspected to be beer in a cup. I took a sip, it tasted awful, but I downed it anyway. Feeling the buzz take it's toll on me, I steadied myself. The music suddenly seemed too loud, the lights too bright, and I just _wanted to dance_. I started dancing, and I could feel someone behind me, their hands on my hips. At first, I thought it was Kentin, but my vision was not at it's best. They leaned down and whispered into my ear.  
"Let me get you another drink." It was Nathaniel. I felt fear rise in my stomach, but he had a killer grip on my arm. He handed me another red cup filled halfway with beer. I took it and drank from it slowly. This cup of beer was different. More bubbly. I grinned up at him, my mind already starting to fade away. I felt him dragging me away from the kitchen. The music faded from my ears. Then I realized we were in another room, and the door was closed.  
"Nathaniel, where are we?" I slurred to him. The room was too dark for me to see him. I felt him push me back into a wall. I tried to get away from him, but my body felt too heavy to move. I wondered where Kentin was. _Probably dancing with Amber still. _My thoughts were random and half-thought. I felt a hand up my dress. It was cold. I shivered and made a noise that was almost like a small scream. "Stop, that." I felt him keep going, his hand reaching even farther up my dress. Why had I even decided to wear such an easy-access dress in the first place? "Stop that." I repeated the words over and over again. He pressed himself up against me. I could feel myself stiffen. I couldn't move. And he knew it.  
"Relax, Camilla. I got you." He whispered coldly. His intentions were apparant by this time. The memories of how Castiel had touched me, and how it felt warm and loving flooded my head. Nathaniel's touch wasn't warm, it was cold, uninviting and wrong. I couldn't stop him, no matter how hard I tried. I could feel him trying to enter my entrance right when the door opened to reveal Li there, her face shocked. And that's all I remember, before blacking out.

I awoke a few hours later, the house dark, empty. I could faintly hear sirens. I still couldn't move. A police officer pulled me to my feet agressivly.  
"C'mon, get up." He let me go and I fell right back onto the ground again. "The hell?" He called someone named Joseph over. "I think she's on something. Take her with you." Joseph picked me up and carried me to the back of an ambulance. He laid me down and I flipped out.  
"Don't touch me! I-I don't love you, please?" I was hysterical, the words I'd wanted to scream at Nathaniel finally able to leave my mouth.  
"Calm down, I'm taking you to Sweet Amoris General." He assured me, he flashed a light into my eyes. "You appear to be on something." I blinked, trying to make the light go away.  
"No, my aunt, wants me..home soon. Kentin! Where's Kentin?" I asked frantically. "Tell him, I said-" And then I blacked out again.

I awoke the next time, in a hospital bed. My aunt right next to me, Kentin on the other side, my aunt looked like she'd been crying. I finally felt like I could move. I felt wide awake and panicked.  
"Auntie, I'm so sorry! " I said to my aunt hurridly, feeling tears run down my cheeks. "I just wanted to party."  
"It's not your fault." Aunt Danni assured me taking my hand in her's.  
"She's right, you were given gamma hydroxybutyric, a date rape drug." A male doctor said from the end of the bed. He was looking over a clipboard. "But it appears you were never raped."  
"He tried to! He almost did, then, Li walked in." I felt out of breath after spewing all of that out. The doctor nodded.  
"Who's he?" Aunt Danni asked me. I tried to think back, the memories coming back in flashes.  
"N-Nathaniel." I finally said. The air felt stale. It smelled just like it had when I had gone to see Castiel. I wondered faintly if he was still in the hospital.  
"I'm going to fucking kill that motherfucker." Kentin growled. I couldn't believe how angry and upset Kentin sounded. I put my hand on his angrily shaking one. I smiled weakly up at him.  
"It's all good, the police'll take care of it." I told him. His face softened a little.  
"If you say so." He told me. My aunt touched my shoulder.  
"I'm going to go now, I'll be back as soon as I can tomorrow morning." Aunt Danni promised me. I nodded. "Goodnight, Camilla."  
"Goodnight, Auntie." I told her. She smiled and walked out of the room. The doctor followed closely behind her, and I could hear a muffled conversation being shared between the two. Kentin squeezed my fings gently.  
"If anything, you looked absolutly beautiful tonight." He whispered to me. These words made me feel warm inside, like after everything, I was still normal.  
"Thank you." I said quietly feeling my face flush. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. The familiar smell of soap and laundry detergent filling my lungs.  
"Sleep tight, Camilla." Kentin leaned away and left the room. I felt myself smile a little as he left. I closed my eyes and drifted into what would be the worst sleep of my life. I don't remember exactly what I dreamed, but it was filled with blood, painful memories and lots, and lots of darkness.

The next morning, some police came into my room to basically harrass and interogate me about what had happened. After they'd left, the doctor told me I could go home. I disagreed and begged to stay for another day.  
"Why would anyone in their right mind want to stay here?" Dr. Jesse asked me jokingly. I shrugged.  
"I just don't want to go back to how things were before." I told him simply.  
"Can't argue with that. One more day, but then, I have to release you." Dr. Jesse left me alone then. I sat there, letting everything hit me. How had Nathaniel possibly gotten to that point where he so desperatly wanted me? My thoughts and emotions were interupted by a soft knocking at the door to my room. I looked up to find Aunt Danni standing there.  
"Oh, I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not." She told me sheepishly. She came and sat on the end of my bed. That movement reminded me of how I had been the last time I had talked to Castiel. I winced. "Did I sit on you?"  
"No, no. Just thought of something." I said. "How are you?"  
"Good, the house felt empty without you being there." She sighed. "I feel really horrible about all of this. And I can't fathom what you must be feeling."  
"Ah, it's not that bad." I lied. She frowned.  
"Camilla Fiona Edwards, don't you dare lie to me." Aunt Danni said firmly.  
"I'd rather spare you the details. Consider it a favor." I protested just as firmly. She didn't look any more impressed by my point. "What? Do you want me to tell you how I feel about losing my parents, then the one guy I was comepletly crazy about? How I wanted to cry but knew there was no point in doing so? H-How right when things were starting to look up, I was violated by someone I thought I could somewhat trust? I had felt so pretty, beautiful even, and that was all stripped away from the me the moment that bastard let his hands roam under that dress and to places I'd never let anyone touch. You wanna hear all about my feelings? I feel like absolute shit, and I don't want to come to terms with it right now. Okay?" The tears had started to fall down my cheeks. My aunt recoiled a little and took me in her arms.  
"Sweetheart, you don't have to tell me anything until your ready to." She said softly. I let her baby me until the tears stopped flowing down my face. When visitor hours were over, it was almost painful to see her go.

The next morning, I was released from the hospital. I got to stay home that day from school since I was released too late in the day to make school. My aunt had invited some friends over to welcome me back home. I didn't really want the 'get-together', as she insisted upon calling it. Li had hugged me tightly when she saw me. I hugged her back a little.  
"Camilla, I'm so happy that your okay." Li said squeezing my shoulders and looking right into my eyes. Worry clouding her dark brown eyes.  
"Were you the one who called the cops?" I asked her quietly. She nodded.  
"I screamed when I first saw, but I had been looking for you. I had wanted to tell you something." She explained further. I nodded, taking all the information in.  
"I owe you one. A big one." I told her with the most sincere grin I could muster. She grinned back and waved my favor off.  
"If it were me, you would've done the same." Li didn't seem like a bitch like I had catagorized her as being. She was nice, loyal and pretty genuine. I ducked my head and walked away from Li. I glanced around the room. I went into the kitchen to get more water in my cup. I bumped into Lysander on the way.  
"I'm dearly sorry." Lysander mumbled to me, his deep voice almost unnerving. I didn't look up at him. He reminded me of all the times I had spent hanging out with him and Castiel. "Hello, Camilla. How are you?"  
"I'm fine. And you?" I asked politly as I refilled my cup with ice cold water.  
"Wonderful." I could feel his eyes watching me for a second. "Are you okay?" I nodded and tried to walk away from him. He gently grabbed my wrist and I turned back to look at him. "I understand your being upset, I'd be too-" His voice dropped to a little above a whisper. "-He will remember you. Sooner or later." I snatched my wrist out of his grasp. I didn't want to relish in my almost gone feelings for Castiel. The people at this 'get-together' were all people who I didn't want to talk to or people who reminded me of things I didn't want to be reminded of. I snuck off into my room. Only to bump into Kentin.  
"The hell? What are you doing in my room?" My voice was laced with anger.  
"Calm down. I didn't feel like dealing with those people out there. Ya know, Amber had showed up, but she winded up crying and just left." Kentin said making himself comfortable on my bed. I sat down next to him. My anger dissapating.  
"Why did she even bother coming then?" I asked him. He shrugged. He glanced at me, his bright green eyes reluctant to tell me something.  
"She feels really guilty. She was talking to me about it. Like if she wouldn't have pulled me away from you, Nathaniel might not have..." He shook the thought away. "Anyway, she just feels like this is all her fault."  
"But it's not. Nowhere near her fault." I sighed. "Why would she think that?"  
"I dunno. She invited you, I geuss it's like a host is responsible for each attendee or some shit. Whenever you get a chance, talk to her." Kentin stopped and gazed down at my face. "You look really pretty, Camilla." I felt myself flush.  
"Thanks." I said looking away from him. Ever so lightly, I felt him tilt my head up to him. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. His hands were in my hair and mine were around his wasit. I bit his bottom lip and deepened the kiss. I pulled away before things could go much farther. I liked Kentin, a lot, but enough to go through with this?

"Thanks for coming! I really appreciated it!" I called to the last geusts leaving the party that night. It had grown dark and my aunt was beat. She tiredly drug herself to her room and I heard her mattress creak and she fell onto it. I chuckled a little and turned off all the lights in the house and went to my own bed. I changed into some pajamas and fell onto my own bed. Almost stubbing my toe in the process. I sighed loudly as I laid there staring up at my ceiling. I couldn't get the thought of wanting to kiss Kentin again out of my head. The way those lips of his had felt on mine. I didn't want to lead him on. I just couldn't. He was too dear and too precious of a friend. But I wasn't willing to try, if he wanted to. I tried closing my eyes over and over again. And four hours later, I finally did fall asleep.

My first day back was nothing like what my welcome home 'get-together' had promised. I couldn't walk anywhere without someone calling me a whore, slutty piece of shit, and bitch. To the mass, it appeared like this; the new girl had somehow, not only seducted our always rule-abiding, mature and uptight asshole of a student body president, but had also made him want to rape her. Now in that view, I could see how I was the whore, seductress and skank everyone was making me out to be. At first, I was the bad-girl, then I was oh-she-just-lost-her-parents-and-boyfriend girl. Now I was student body whore of Sweet Amoris High. I tried to avoid the halls as much as I could. I didn't feel like dealing with people, plus, I was not at a good point where I could really defend myself.  
"Hey, I think we should talk." Amber said to me shyly during lunch. I followed her down the hall and to the staircase. There weren't a lot of people around and she was trying really hard not to get emotional. "I feel really bad about what happened. I tried to come to your welcome home party to tell you that, but I just couldn't stop crying."  
"I know, Kentin told me." I touched her shoulder comfortingly.  
"What happened, that was my fault. If I wouldn't have invited you, or if I would've stopped trying to steal Kentin away from you-"  
"It's not your fault. It's not. You didn't tell your brother to try and...well you know. It was his decision, and I just happened to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time."  
"Ya know, my family hasn't talked to Nate once since he was arrested. My dad refuses to even let me say his name at home. They weren't even pissed about my having a party, they were more pissed about what happened. It wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have thrown the party, see _this all comes back to me!_"  
"No, stop it. Your _making_ it all come back to you. Amber, I'm over it. You should be too." I was complete bullshit on that last part and I think she could tell.  
"I'm so jealous of you, guys just fawn over you, and your so pretty." She sighed and blinked back tears. "I wanted to be you that night so badly, and for this to happen..I'm just so sorry, Camilla." Tears had started to fall down her face.  
"There's no need to be jealous of me. Guys may fawn oveer me, but look at all the shit I've gone through ever since I came here. Almost all of them are guy related. You don't even know the whole reason I _did_ come here. I was expelled from my last school, a result of more guy problems." I told her. She sniffled. I patted her back soothingly. "Amber, just be happy okay, things could be a lot worse, just remember that." I gave her shoulder a light squeeze. She hugged me tightly and hurried away from me. I watched her go, only because for some reason, she was also starting to seem like less of a bitch. Or maybe, her conscience was just kicking in.

I met Kentin in the parking lot. His lips curved into a huge grin when he saw me coming towards him. I tucked a srand of hair behind my ear.  
"Hey, I didn't think that you were going to wait on me." I said a bit sheepishly. He fell into step beside me.  
"Of course I did." His hand brushed mine and my face felt hot. "How was your first day back?"  
"Different. I talked to Amber and she really did seem upset about everything." I told him. He looked down at me, his eyes searching mine.  
"And how do you feel about that?" He asked me. I shrugged.  
"I just want everyone to be happy. I don't want this to go on longer than it needs to. But everyone has all these intense fucking emotions about it, so it just can't be over."  
"Well, yeah everyone has emotions about it. A lot of the people in our class were there that night. They saw Nathaniel get wasted, they saw him drug you, and nobody did a goddamn thing. The emotion is mostly guilt, not anger."  
"Their guitly consciences don't change what happened. It still happened. I just want it to be over." I closed my eyes and sighed. We were at the end of my driveway by that point. "Walk with me to the door?" I asked him. He took my hand and squeezed it.  
"Um, Camilla, I hate to be the one to mention it, but are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?" Kentin asked me. I shrugged.  
"What's there to talk about? We kissed, we both liked it, what else is there to say?"  
"You know what I mean. I really like you, and you know that, but..." He drifted off. He ran a frustrated hand through his bright brown hair. "Say something, please?"  
"Kentin, I like you. A lot actually, and I want to kiss you again. But I don't want to mess up our friendship."  
"Screw the friendship." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was firece and I could tell how desperate it was for both of us. I let my fingers get lost in that mass of brown locks on his head. His hands slid slowly from the small of my back to my waist and finally resting on my hips. I didn't care who could see us. I didn't care if my aunt was watching. I just wanted to remain like that, for hours, a day, in Kentin's arms. His lips on mine. My heart was pounding in my chest. He pulled away first and rested his forhead on mine, gazing directly into my eyes. "You know I want to be more than friends." And for once, I couldn't agree with him any more if I wanted to.  
"And so do I." I told him coyly. He grinned and kissed me again, though not as deep as the one before.  
"I'll see you tomorrow, Camilla." He smiled down at me and walked away from me. My lips tingled from the feel of his on mine. I mentally tried to calm myself down and walked inside. Just as I had thought, my aunt was inside.  
"I admit to spying. I was going to interreupt, but then, I realized how cute you two are together." Aunt Danni admitted. "That and you two just started hardcore making out."  
"I'm not sure how I should feel about that." I said a bit giddily. I practically floated into my room and flew through my homework. Maybe things were looking up for me again.

_**A/N: Hey! So this is my first author's note...how do you like the story so far? Oh, and believe me, Castiel isn't gone forever, he'll be back ;) Thanks for reading. Keep the awesome comments coming! (I read them all, promise.)**_


	12. Find It In Your Heart

Find It In Your Heart

I somehow knew that Kentin would be outside waiting on me the next morning when I walked outside. I slid my hand into his slowly, allowing him to pull away if he wanted to. When he didn't, I smiled up at him. He kissed me quickly and we began walking to school. The whole way there, our conversation was still as easygoing as it had been before we'd ever kissed or held hands. I stiffened once we were on campus. Kentin caught the hint and stopped walking, not letting go of my hand at all.  
"What's wrong?" He asked me, his green eyes gazing right into my eyes.  
"It's nothing." I lied. He blinked and kept staring at me. He stepped closer to me and pressed his forehead to mine. He was so close to me... "I don't want to face these people again." I confessed to him quietly.  
"Fuck these people. They're all motherfuckin' bastards and cunts." He smiled down at me for a second. "They don't know anything about you. How smart you are, how brave, strong, beautiful inside and out you are. They don't know anything, don't let them get to you, okay?" I nodded. "C'mon, let's get this day over with." He kissed me, enough to make me want more and walked with me to class. I saw people stare and whisper behind cupped hands as me and Kentin walked into class. He went to his seat and I went to mine. Armin flushed as attention was directed back to our table. He glanced at me.  
"Hi, Camilla." He mumbled. I know he hated how much people were staring and that I had made them stare.  
"Hi, Armin." I mumbled back. I noticed that Amber wasn't in her usual seat. Charlotte was though, and looked kind if nervous and scared without Amber there. Even after the tardy bell rung, Amber still hadn't shown up. I tried to shake the cold feeling I got in my gut about her absence. But that cold feeling seemed to have frozen my guts over and was refusing to thaw out.

At the end of the day, I met with Iris and Li during lunch. They wanted to hang and have some girl time. At my old school, I had never really had 'girl-time' with anyone, since I didn't have any friends.  
"So you and Kentin, huh?" Iris asked me curiously. We had left campus and were in a cafe just talking. I took a sip of my dark roast coffee. "Are you two a thing?" Li leaned in closer to hear my answer.  
"Yeah, but we're taking things slow, well, you know why." I replied calmly. I didn't want to tell too much because from experience. I knew that once everyone knew what you did in the dark, no one wanted to be in the dark with you.  
"Are you pressing charges against Nathaniel? I heard today that you are. And getting a lot of money involved in it." Li said to me. I shrugged and sipped at my coffee again.  
"What would money gain? I just want him to be punished for what he did. I could care less about money." I glanced around the place. A few others from school had entered the cafe, but not enough to make me want to leave.  
"Do you think Armin's cute?" Li asked after a long period of silence.  
"He has really pretty eyes." Iris noted. "And his being quiet is kinda hot."  
"Yeah, I think I want to go after him." Li declared to us.  
"You guys would be cute. I can talk to him for you, if you want." I beamed at her, happy that we could talk about someone other than me and all my issues.

My aunt cautiously walked into my room that night. She didn't bother closing the door and she came and sat down next to me. I scooted over from where I was perched on my bed with my homework. Her facial expression told it all.  
"Something's wrong. And you have bad news." I remarked. She nodded silently. "Might as well get it over with."  
"I know things have not been in your favor lately, and everytime things get okay, something else happens. I'm not sure if it's this town or all of these things just happening. If you feel, at any point that it's this town, I'll let you leave peacefully. You can go live with Uncle Leo if you want." Aunt Danni was stepping on eggshells, avoiding whatever it was she needed to tell me. I set my math textbook aside and touched her hand gently.  
"What is it? It really can't be that bad where I'd ever consider living with Uncle Leo." I tried to smile, but felt that my face just screamed pain.  
"Your friend Amber, attempted suicide, she's at the hospital now, fighting for her life." The words confirmed that cold feeling. I sat back. I had just started to see Amber's ice melt, and she attempted suicide. I didn't cry, I had tried to talk to her before, and no matter what, the guilt must've gotten to her. "Would you like to go see her? We can if you want." I shrugged. What good was another visit for another person in Sweet Amoris General gonna do? I knew she was going to die before she even did. It wasn't the town. I knew most of these things didn't happen on a regular basis before I came. And now, not only was I the talk of the town, I was the bearer of all things tragic.

Amber's funeral was beautiful. I attended, after everyone had left. I didn't want to go when everyone who really loved and cherished her were there. Because, I thought that somehow, I was a little at fault for her death. I went and I lost track of how long I stared at her rosy marble slab headstone. There was a small picture of her on the headstone. It was a recent one, her makeup all done and her hair perfect. A small thing, and she was gone. Maybe it was this town. Maybe my being in this town, just resulted in utter and complete chaos. I sighed and left the graveyard. School was canceled that Monday in remeberence of 'such a young and potentially successful woman'. That Monday for some might've just been a free day off of school, but to me, it was a day of self-loathing. Kentin came over and tried to cheer me up.  
"C'mon, I just want to see you smile." Kentin made a bunch of silly faces. "Please? I'm begging."  
"I don't want to smile." I told him bitterly. He frowned a little and sighed.  
"You will. C'mon, let's bake a cake." Kentin suggested. I looked at him oddly.  
"What the hell is a cake going to do?" I asked him, bitchiness filling my voice like an acid on a plant.  
"Take your mind off of things. I promise you'll feel better." Kentin extended his hand. Reluctantly, I took it and let him drive me to the store with him. The whole way, he told jokes and funny stories about his childhood. Once out of the car and in the grocery store, he split up the tasks. "You can go get the milk and eggs and I'll get the frosting and cake mix." Kentin suggested, looking over the list of things we needed. I nodded and took the shopping cart. He gave me a quick peck as he went the opposite way to the frosting aisle. I continued past a few aisle almost all the way to the back of the store where the tempeature dropped the closer I got. I had zoned out somewhere between pushing the cart to the dairy products and to the moment that I had ran into someone else's cart. The sound of metal clashing shoved me back into reality. I looked up to meet a pair of deep gray eyes...Castiel. His red hair looked more brilliant, he must've redyed it. He was staring at me. Recognition crossed over his face and I felt myself blush.  
"Camilla." His voice was barely above a whipser. There was nothing in the cart I'd been pushing. I stepped back and turned away from him. "Camilla! Hold on!" I heard him start to come after me and I broke into a run. The sound of his steps deminishing behind me.

I found Kentin in deep thought on the frosting aisle. He had a box of vanilla cake mix tucked under his arm. He glanced at me with a smile when he saw me coming.  
"Hey, um, were's the milk and eggs?" He asked me. I sighed. I had to explain myself to him.  
"I ran into someone. And I didn't want to see them." I said skirting around the problem. He raised an eyebrow.  
"Who?" He asked me. His voice full of concern.  
"I ran into Castiel and I think he remembered me. So I ran." I replied trying to calm myself down.  
"Camilla." He took a step towards me and slunk an arm around my waist. "We don't have to get the milk and eggs here. C'mon." He walked with me to the cash register, buying the frosting and cake mix without another word. Every so often, he's look over at me, worridly. I wanted to be with Kentin. He made me happy, but..so had Castiel.

We winded up getting everything else we needed at another grocery stpre. Things were different somehow. Kentin was nervous to even say anything to me.  
"You're more shaken up about this than I am." I told him. He shurgged.  
"I know you still have feelings for him. I understand. But your seeing him again, and him remembering..I just don't want to lose you is all. He explained. He squeezed my hand gently.  
"You shouldn't worry about that. I ran because that part of my life is over." I wrapped my arms around him. "I just want to be happy with you." I could hear his heart beating. Shockingly, it wasn't racing like mine was whenever I was this close to him. I leaned up and kissed him. I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me closer to him. I smiled into the kiss as he tickled me lightly.  
"Thanks. I needed that." He said against my lips. I closed the distance between our mouths again, savoring every moment. The kiss ended all too soon and we had to begin baking our cake. I tore open the cake mix box and didn't spill any mix. I had to teach Kentin how to crack an egg and once I did, we only had a few eggshells in our cake batter.  
"I think there should be more water." I noted spooning out some of the batter and watch it slowly slide off the spoon back into the bowl.  
"Nah, I think it's fine." He dipped his finger in the mix and tapped the tip of my nose. I did the same back to him. "Hey!"  
"Ha! Now we both have vanilla batter noses." I joked. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose.  
"Only one of us does now." He smirked. I leaned up and kissed away the batter from his nose.  
"Two can play that game." I said to him coyly. Back and forth we battled creating an even biggger mess than there was before. Flour coated the floor in certain spots and cake batter smeared the coffee maker and microwave.  
"Look at this mess you made." Kentin said jokingly while I slid the cake into the oven. I turned back to him.  
"_I_ made? You helped make it too." I said smiling up at him. We both turned as the front door opened and Aunt Danni walked into the kitchen.  
"I hope you two know your cleaning this up." Aunt Danni said passivly. She smiled at us right before she left the kitchen. Me and Kentin both starting laughing.  
"We should start cleaning this up." Kentin suggested. I went to the pantry and got the paper towels and started wiping the cake batter off of the microwave. Kentin swept the floor of all the flour. By the time the kitchen had returned to what it had looked like prior to our baking a cake, the sun had went down the cake was ready to come out of the oven. "Where're the oven gloves?"  
"What'd you call them?" I asked him handing him the oven mitts.  
"Oven gloves, what do you call them?"  
"Oven mitts."  
"Well, that's not that much different."  
"Yeah, but it sounds weird when you say it." I said with a small laugh. Kentin pretened to be hurt.  
"I'm weird now? I'm hurt." He said to me. Aunt Danni came back into the kitchen and looked from the ceiling to the floor.  
"I'm glad you two actually cleaned that mess. I would've hated to have to punish someone." My aunt was joking. Somehow I knew deep down though, she was just as upset or even more so than I had been. I glanced over at the clock over the stove as Kentin took out the cake. It looked horrible. It was lopsided and some parts were darker than others. "Oh, don't ever go into the cooking industry." The cake wasn't meant to turn out to look beautiful, it was supposed to take our minds off of everything that had happened recently. My parents dying, Castiel being hit by a car, and now Amber's suicide. It was a really bitter pill to swallow. And I was glad that Kentin went out of his way to make me smile every single chance he got.

I didn't sleep very well that night. In fact, I winded up sneaking out again, something I hadn't done in months. I was really just wandering the streets trying to escape my thoughts. Thoughts filled with anger, sadness and painful images I just wanted to forget. Somehow, I'd winded up wandering right to De Circ. The memory of being stuck in that cleaning closet with Castiel rushed to my brain. I shoved the thought away violently. Something in the bottom of my stomach willed for me to go inside. I winded up going inside anway. The inside hadn't changed much, it still was dank and a bad place to be if you were someone like me. I went to the bar and sat down. Doll Face was there, her young face even more aged by the amount of make-up covering her face. She glanced up at me when she saw me.  
"You're back again, Hon." Doll Face said to me not looking up from the counter she was wiping. I sighed.  
"My feet kind of led me here. I was just walking and winded up here." I told her. She nodded, like she didn't believe me.  
"He's really hung up on you. Ever since he came back, he's just been sluggish and seems to be off in his thoughts all the time." She poured a mug full of a dark brown liquid and passed it to an older man with an all white long beard.  
"Hm. Can I be honest with you?" I asked her. She shrugged, her hot pink lip-stained lips in a thin line.  
"Sure, hon. I won't tell a soul unless you want me to."  
"I can't get him out of my head. No matter how much I want to or try to. I thought I'd moved on, and today when I saw him, and he remembered me..." I continued to tell Doll Face everything, her nodding and putting her two cents in where nessecary. "I still love him don't I?"  
"Now that, is something you need to decided on your own." Doll Face told me, her tone almost unreadable.  
"Do you know where he is?" I asked her. She shrugged.  
"Probably out front taking a smoke break." I thanked her and hurried outside into the chilly night air. Why hadn't I brought a jacket? I looked around and a few feet away there was Castiel, leaning on a bus-stop sign, smoking. He turned to where I was standing almost like he'd known I was there the whole time.  
"Hey." I said feeling stupid already. He leaned off of the sign and stubbed out his cigarette.  
"Hey." He said to me. I looked down at my shoes sheepishly. "What are you doing here? It's really late and dangerous around here."  
"I know, I couldn't sleep-" I started but he interuppted me.  
"And you walked here?" He shook his head like I'd done something stupid.  
"Yeah..." What had I been thinking, walking there, like he'd want to talk to me, after I _ran_ away from him in the grocery store. "Castiel, I'm sorry for running from you earlier."  
"It's cool, I understand why you did that." He smirked that same smirk that made my heart skip a beat. "How have you been?"  
"I'm alive." I said with a shrug. His smirk faded a little and was replaced with a serious and concerned look.  
"What happened?" He asked me. I couldn't just tell him that since things were somewhat called off between us that I'd been an emotional wreck. Nothing made sense anymore, my enemy became my friend then killed herself, the one guy I thought was completly trustworthy was nothing more than a dirty pervert, and the one guy that used to annoy me so much was now my boyfriend. And the last thing I was questioning if Kentin was just a rebound, I did care about him, that was true, but I was having trouble deciding if I cared more about Castiel than Kentin.  
"I can't go into detail now. You have to go back to work, and I don't want to distract you with everything."  
"Well when can you tell me everything?"  
"When do you _want_ to be told everything?" I was flirting and I knew it. I was a horrible girlfriend. I didn't want to hurt Kentin, he was so sweet and comforting. Castiel smirked again.  
"Right now, but we can talk tomorrow after school. Your place okay? My parents have been breathing down my neck at home."  
"Yeah it's fine. I didn't know your parents were staying with you."  
"We haven't really been on talking terms, Camilla." It was starting to get really hard to look at him and not want to just throw my arms around him and forget everything. Forget all the stupid things that were said, and the wrong decisions I'd made and just let Castiel make things better. But I just couldn't do that.  
"I'm happy to see that you're all better." I turned and started my long trek back home. A part of me wanted Castiel to grab my wrist and pull me back to him, but another knew he'd never do that.

By the time that I got home, it was a few hours before I had to get up and go to school, so I just stayed up. I wasn't tired so there was no point in going to sleep. I watched some old re-run shows and studied a little. When it came time for me to actually get up, I got dressed and ate an apple. I even left the house earlier than usual and met Kentin half-way down the street.  
"Good morning to you." Kentin kissed my cheek. "Did you get an early start or something?"  
"You could say that. Um, after school today, don't bother waiting up for me." I told him. His smiled drooped a little.  
"Oh, why?" His bright green eyes stopped me from being able to lie to him. I knew how much he didn't want to lose me, and all that, but I felt that I needed to be with Castiel more. But that minute didn't feel like the time to go into all these details with him. I shrugged.  
"I just need to be alone." I lied. I did need to pencil in some time for myself, but I wasn't going to be alone. Castiel was coming over, and I had no idea what I wanted to say or what either of us wanted.

_**A/N: So sorry for this long awaited chapter! I mean I really have been trying to get it out, and there's so much I wanted to occur first before other things happen. But yeah, Castiel's back, I know your happy with that, :) Leave me awesome comments, it makes me happy and finish chapters with more determination.**_


	13. We Deserve Each Other

We Deserve Each Other

After the last bell signaling the end of the school day, I went straight to the girl's bathroom. I went into a stall and sat there, thinking and trying to calm myself down. I wasn't technically doing anything against Kentin, and I wasn't planning on doing so. If Castiel went too far, I'd tell him about me and Kentin and would make him leave. But what if I wanted him to go too far? No, I didn't. I splashed some water on my face and washed my hands and left the restroom. The halls were empty and every footstep I made created an echo throughout the halls.  
"Hey, Camilla, what are still doing here?" Li asked me from behind. I jumped, startled at the sound of her voice. "Chill, it's just me."  
"Oh, sorry. I was just making sure I had all my homework with me." I lied. There was no purpose in going into all my love life details with Li right then. "How's you and Armin?"  
"Ohmigosh! I think I've made some progress. I talked to him, and he talked back!" Li squealed. "His eyes are just soooo pretty." She gushed and went on and on about Armin. I didn't mind listening, since I probably sounded the same way when I was with Castiel. Even when he annoyed me, I couldn't help but say his name. It just slid off the tongue so easily.  
"You really like him, huh?" I asked Li, interupting her from talking about how Armin looks so cute when he's nervous.  
"What? Yeah, I do." Li blushed and looked away sheepishly.  
"I really hope you get him. You both deserve each other." I said to her. She blushed even harder. "I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow." Suprisingly, Li hugged me. I hugged her back, taken aback a little by her hugging me.  
"You're an awesome friend, Camilla." Li said to me as she let me go. She walked down the hallway and out the back entrance to Sweet Amoris High. I went out the front and started walking home. I knew Castiel would be on his way there, and dammit, what did I really want to say to him?

I walked inside the house, the feeling of it being empty hitting me like a sack of bricks. I went into my room to find Castiel sitting on my bed, like he lived there. He took out his headphones.  
"Hey, you're home." He said smirking. I dropped my bookbag to the floor.  
"How the hell did you get in?" I asked him. He shrugged.  
"Remember that time I carried you in because you were sick? And I had unlocked the front door with your key? Well I never gave it back." Castiel told me. I had remembered that day, how he had so gently tucked me in, had kissed me so softly, it was like a light brush across my lips.  
"I don't know how I feel about that." I sat down on my bed across from Castiel. I felt my phone vibrate with a text. I took it out and saw that Kentin had texted me. I didn't bother opening the message, because it was probably him just saying hey and asking about my day.  
"So, you going to tell me all about how your life's been or what?" Castiel asked a bit teasingly. I sighed.  
"I'm going to warn you, it's not very, pleasent." Once I said it, his smile faded and was replaced with a thin line. "The day after you were hit and were sent to the hospital, I visited you. And you sent me away. Telling me that you had no idea who I was. I was hurt, and felt like you didn't and never could love me again. So I came home and cried for a while." Before I could stop myself, I was telling Catsiel everything, every deteail, all my thoughts. How it felt when Lysander had told me that Castiel would remember me sooner or later, my chocolate party with my aunt and Kentin, Nathaniel almost raping me...everything. "..That's it, I geuss."  
"I'm so sorry." He said to me quietly. "For being a cold-hearted bastard." My head shot up and our eyes met for a fleeting second. "I love you, Camilla. More than you know."  
"Well, what do you want me to do?" I asked, my voice shaky and filled with anger. He looked at me confused. "I'm with Kentin now."  
"You're with Kentin?" He sounded like this saddened him. I nodded. "Congrats."  
"I understand you want to just resume what we had going on, but we just can't do that."  
"Yeah, I _want_ that. Camilla, but I'm not expecting you to just break up with him for me right now. If he makes you happy, stay with him. Whenever you want though, I'm here." He stood up from my bed. "I'll go." He proceeded to go to my room door. I watched him begin to go. It was like watching him walk away from me again, only forever. I reached out and grabbed his hand and pulled him back. I wrapped my arms around him. I leaned up and kissed him. I felt him kiss me back and squeeze my waist. My hands were in his hair and I pulled him towards me a little, deepening the kiss over and over. Our tongues mingled freely. I pulled away, both of us breathless.  
"I still love you too." I smiled sheepishly at him. "But after everything, I'm scared to let myself love you."  
"What about Kentin?"  
"I think he might've just been a distraction from you." I stepped a little closer to him, his lips inches from mine. I wanted to kiss him again, but knew it'd be like twisting the knife in Kentin's back. I stepped away from Castiel.  
"So what do you want to do about this then?" He asked me.  
"I don't want to hurt Kentin." I said to him. I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "He was there for me when I needed someone."  
"But do you love him?"  
"No, but-"  
"If you don't, then your hurting him by not telling him the truth."  
"Castiel, it's not that easy. What am I supposed to tell him exactly? 'Hey, thanks for being like super kind to me, but I'm still in love with Castiel?"  
"Maybe not those words exactly, but something along those lines." I groaned in frustration. I was really going to go through with this; breaking up with one guy for another. This sounded like my old school all over again. I was really going to be the class whore. I'd seduced the class president, made his sister commit suicide, managed to get my old boyfriend hit by a car, and my current one, I was going to break his heart like it had never been broken before.  
"I don't want to dump him and start dating you again. There needs to be time in between this."  
"You can have all the time in the world you need, I'll wait." He wasn't just saying what I wanted to hear. He meant it. I looked deep into those gray eyes, and I knew that he loved me deeper than anyone had ever loved me.

I played hookey the next day from school. I didn't feel like going, simply because I had a minor headache. Kentin offered to stay home with me, but I refused his more than generous offer. He was part of the reason I had a headache. This whole ordeal with emotion and shit wasn't my idea of fun. I would rather have just been numb to this whole sitation. Ice away the pain and never have to deal with it again. That's how I chose to deal with most things. There was no reason to get emotions all involved and get angry or upset over something you couldn't control. As I lay in bed, all I could think about was how I could have handled this whole moving thing differently. What would have happened if I wouldn't have sparked Castiel's curiosity, or created this horrible reputation for myself in a matter of days? What would have happened if I really never got emotions involved and didn't fight back against Amber and her crew? Would Kentin want to be with me? Would Amber still be alive? Would Li be one of my good friends?  
Nathaniel was behind bars, he would be for a while. That gave me a sort of comfort. I felt a small amount of pity for him, because of one night getting drunk and partying, and he messed up his perfect academic profile. He wasn't going to go to college, that was a fact. He'd messed up his life forever. What if I would have let him do what he wanted? What if I had falled in love with him instead, he wouldn't have gotten drunk at all, but would have I had sex with him? No. That train of thought was stopped by the sound of somone coming in the front door. I sat up in bed. Aunt Danni had left a few hours prior. I knew she was less than overjoyed to leave me home alone when I was so 'sick'. I debated for a minute on whether I should get out of my warm and cozy bed to go see who the hell had come into the house. My curiosity got the best of me and I walked into the kitchen to find Lysander and Castiel, cooking.  
"Why, hello, Camilla. Castiel heard that you were ill and wanted to make you soup. I apologize if we're intruding." Lysander said to me, a smile on his face. Whatever they were making smelled pretty good. I frowned.  
"Dammit, Castiel. Are you ever giving me my key back?" I asked Castiel.  
"I dunno, I really don't want to." Castiel replied passivly. I rolled my eyes.  
"But I at least need to make myself I new copy since I have a hard time getting through the _locked_ front door." I protested to him. Lysander chuckled.  
"You should really go lie back down. We'll let you know when we're done." Lysander gave me a gentle push back to my room. I went back to my room, but I could still hear them in the kitchen. I lied back down and waited. "She's not ill is she?" I heard Lysander ask Castiel.  
"I know she's not. But she deserves a day off of school." Castiel said back to him. I heard a timer go off for something.  
"And why is that?" Lysander asked him.  
"She's been through a lot. A lot more than anyone knows."  
"I've only heard about some. But you know you can't trust rumors."  
"Yeah, she told me that everyone thinks she's some sort of whore or something."  
"I've heard talk of that..I don't think she is. Whatever happened between her and Nathaniel is none of my or anyone else's business."  
"Too bad not everyone thinks like you."  
"Might I ask why are we making soup if we both know that she's not sick?"  
"Just 'cause." A few cabinets opened and closed, I heard someone swear, it might've been Castiel. I closed my eyes and pretended to have fallen asleep again when I heard footsteps down the hall. "I know your not asleep." Reluctantly, I opened my eyes to be face to face with Castiel, kneeling next to my bed.  
"What gave it away?" I asked him.  
"You're blushing." He said. "I figure you heard us then, huh?"  
"No..."  
"You're a horrible liar. Ya know that?" He stood up and went to my bedroom door. "We're going to watch a movie by the way."  
"Which one?"  
"You'll see." With a mischevious smirk, he left. I slid out of bed and stretched. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was shocked. My hair looked horrible, and there was a slight blush on my face. Dammit. I went into the bathroom and washed my face. I brushed my hair and made it at least calm down. I went into the kitchen and Lysander handed me a bowl of chicken noodle soup.  
"Oh, thank you." I told him with a small smile. He returned the favor.  
"Your welcome. Did Castiel tell you what movie we're watching?" Lysander asked me. I shook my head. He handed me a spoon.  
"No, did he tell you?" I asked him. He shook his head.  
"Stop gossiping like little girls and come watch!" Castiel called jokingly from the living room. Lysander shrugged and got his own bowl and followed me into the living room. We all sat on the living room floor, eating our soup. Castiel pressed play on the remote and scooted closer to me. I felt my heartbeat quicken. On the screen appeared a little black-haired boy. He had an eyepatch on and was chasing whoever was behind the camera.  
"Castiel! Stop that, I want to surprise your mom." It was Castiel's dad filming and scolding Castiel. Castiel just continued chasing his dad swinging his pirate sword. "Castiel!"  
"Arg! I'm a pirate! And I'm going to make you walk to plank!" Young Castiel said to his dad. I felt myself laugh.  
"Elliot, is that you?" Carrie appeared thorough a doorway, her face a lot younger and her frame a lot thinner. Young Castiel ran over to her and starting whacking her with his little pirate sword. "Hey, how's my little pirate?"  
"I'm Captain Castiel! Captain!" Castiel protested. The whole movie was different old family movies of Castiel and his family. It was really cute, to see him younger and all innocent. His pirate stage did seem to last pretty long though, or it did from all the footage of his being a pirate. By the end of the movie, we had all finished our soup and were laughing out loud.  
"You were such a cute kid, Castiel." I teased Castiel. He smirked, a slight blush on his face.  
"Are you saying I'm not cute anymore?" He shot back teasingly.  
"No, I'm not." Jokingly, I leaned over and kissed Castiel on the cheek.  
"Am I the third wheel or something?" Lysander asked us, his cheeks flushing. My and Castiel's eyes met and we started laughing.  
"Sorry about that." I told Lysander. " The rest of my hooky day was spent hanging out with Castiel and Lysander, almost like old times. When me and Castiel had been dating.  
"Your aunt's gonna be home soon, right?" Castiel asked me around three in the afternoon. I nodded. "Okay."  
"We should be off then." Lysander gave me a small wave and Castiel winked at me and they were gone. I smiled and waved goodbye to them. I cleaned up our bowls and spoons and crawled back into bed. I knew my aunt would have no clue about my day with Lysander and Castiel.

I knew I had to come clean with Kentin, I just wasn't sure how to go about doing so. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do to him. I hoped that he'd understand and would take it well. All of these things crossed my mind, creating a pool of doubt in the pit of my stomach. I walked over to Kentin during lunch, he had been talking to Alexy about music or something. I tapped him on the shoulder.  
"Hey, Kentin, I need to talk to you." I said to him quietly. His face grew serious and panicked at my words.  
"Yeah, I need to tell you something too." He said to me. He told Alexy he'd talk to him later as we both walked away. Behind the stairwell and away from everyone else, I tried to make myself strong and ready to tell him the truth.  
"So, um about us-" I started but he cut me off.  
"I don't think this is working out. I'm so sorry, Camilla, but..this is so hard to say, I have feelings for Alexy, I just hope you understand." He said to me, his face beet-red. I blinked.  
"You like Alexy?" I asked him. I had abandoned telling him about Castiel for a moment.  
"Yeah..I do still care for you though, it's just that I care for him a lot deeper."  
"Well, I wanted to tell you that I wanted to get back with Castiel. I still care for you too."  
"We can be friends still though, right?"  
"Yeah, we can." We hugged, both of us relieved that our true feelings were all out there. "Good luck with Alexy."  
"Eh, I think he likes me back." Kentin smiled and went back out into the main hallway. I sighed and went out into the courtyard. To think, a few months prior, I had been out on that same courtyard, asking Castiel if he knew where the main building was. And that had been when all this chaos had broken loose. I sat on the bench and not too long after, I felt Lysander sit next to me.  
"Your thinking quite deeply aren't you?" Lysander asked me. I turned to look at him. His gold and green eyes shinging.  
"What makes you think that?" I asked him back. He shrugged.  
"That faraway look in your eyes." He smiled. "I told you he'd remember you. He loves you too much to ever forget you."  
"Thanks." I said feeling a blush rise in my cheeks.  
"Have you broken things off with Kentin yet?"  
"Yeah, he took it pretty well. He actually had wanted to break things off too."  
"That's good, I suppose."  
"Yep." I felt somewhat better about everything. I'd only lost a few people, but in that, I'd gained a few. I heard the final bell ring and Lysander stood.  
"I'll see you soon, Camilla. It's always a pleasure talking to you." Lysander politely waved goodbye and was out of sight. I waved back and stood up from the bench. I was going to Castiel's house right after school to tell him that things were over between me and Kentin.


	14. Your All That I Ever Need

Your All That I Ever Need

I knocked on Castiel's front door cautiously. I remebered the last time I was there vividly; his touch, his lips on mine, the words he whispered to me. I bit my bottom lip nervously as I waited for him to open the door.  
"Hey you." Castiel said as he opened the door, a huge smirk on his face.  
"Hey. So I have something to tell you." I said. Castiel let me in and closed the door behind me. "So, I broke up with Kentin. It was pretty mutual."  
"Hm? That's surprising with how hung up on you he was." Castiel came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, bring me closer to him. I missed being that close to him. Just having him surround me, keeping me safe.  
"Yeah, well, I pretty hung up on you." I stood on my tip-toes and kissed Castiel. He responded to this and kissed me back, deeper and slower. I had just missed him all together. I felt him press me against his bedroom wall. I let my hands roam down his stomach to the waist of his jeans. He bit my neck and I moaned softly. I let my hand slide down the crotch of his jeans and I grabbed him. He groaned and kissed me, hard. I pushed him back on his bed and straddled his hips. I heard him groan again. I liked hearing him groan. I connected our mouths again and I felt his warm touch on my back making my skin tingle. Our tongues slid over each other's slowly. He slid my shirt over and above my head, our lip seperating for a brief second. I took his shirt off of him and threw it across the room. He seemed to have gotten a lot more toned since the last time. Clothes were removed and it was like we were allowing the other to see all that we'd been hiding. Every second like another wave of passion.

"I've missed you." Castiel admitted to me softly. Hours had passed and we were lying on our sides, gazing into each other's eyes.  
"I missed you too." I touched his face lightly. After everything, I could finally be happy with this amazing boy. He leaned closer to me and kissed me. He loved me and I knew he'd never want to hurt me. I never wanted to hurt him. He pulled me closer to him and I giggled.  
"You're so cute." He said before kissing me again. I didn't want much more than what I had right there in that moment. To open my eyes and see Castiel, smiling and wanting nothing more than to make me smile. He was all I ever wanted and needed.

The End

_**A/N: Thanks for being such an amazing fanbase! You guys are absolutely awesome! I hope you enjoyed this story, I enjoyed writing it. :)**_


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